cave sex brought us here I say we bring it back

If Jerry Seinfeld died and they stuffed his face and neck with Cheetos and pee pee that would be Rick Santorum

Reuters: Pubic hair in the trash to exceed 48 metric tons this Valentine's Day

im drunk buying a cape online

Oh hey come on in. These are my two cats: Slavemaster Kitten, Defouler of Heads, Grand Wizard of the Sanctum of the Horned Owl, and Raoul.

Hi I am 27 and I am more interested in gross things than success.

"You've never had condom chicken?" - a real thing said by someone

your scrote counts

Current mood: the people in the background on People's Court

Shout out to my coworkers who get to work with me on this cloudy Mon. cause I've been listening to witch house and slamming Benadryl all day

rt if you transform into an idiot when you go to work

@pinkyporkponk I wish I'd named my kitten Velveeta Bloodfucker

The moon is fucked it's moving too fast to be real, ive spent the last 4 hrs watching shows about serial killers & shipwrecked ghosts ffuuuu

@mpinello Our work is literally "a place where dads meet"

Note to self: order your Indian food 'mild' next time  http://twitpic.com/c1hafc 

stop doing heroine  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zce-QT7MGSE&feature=youtu.be …

@mpinello a dead Olive Garden

You can't spell "girl" without "irl"

My aquarium background is a single WWE Smackdown ticket.

I think DMX is a bigger part of my mom's life than she's willing to admit.