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robber 1: dude, u got us a horse-drawn carriage for our getaway car?
robber 2: tbh, i was hoping we could just spend the day together.
My current WhatPulse stats: 18,507,081 keys, 1,662,331 clicks and my rank is 3565th
*takes a gander*
*police on wild goose chase*
Forgot to take pictures of our kids on the 1st day of school this morning & post to FB, so it looks like they'll be repeating these grades.
First day of junior year... here we go!
*travels back in time to middle ages*
Me: and this is penicillin it-
Villagers:SHOW US THAT EMOJI AGAIN I LIKE THE 1 WITH THE SUNGLASSES
Big win tonight!
Emperor's New Groove is by far the most underrated Disney movie. Ever.
0: Nice belt.
If your website immediately starts playing a video when I visit it, I am never, ever coming back to your website.
open letter to the dog barking outside right now: 1. shut the fuck up bud. 2. can i pet you some time
mom: brush your teeth and put on your pajamas
me: mom i'm a grown man. i don't need u telling me how to get ready for story time.
okay sorry kyle you can sleep now
"thanks brain. good night."
bladder: dude r u awake?
20yo dude studying things at Purdue. RA @ Hawkins Hall. Cycling noob. Soccer dood. INTJ. Pre-PA.