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If you don't watch magic trick videos until 4AM once in a while, you're definitely a squid. Magic is tight.
When your pig gets hurt you have to call a HAMbulance.
Guys that catcall people to an uncomfortable extent: you're trash.
Almost turned down Chipotle to "eat healthy" but then I quit being a mega-dingus.
Tornado more like borenado because NOTHING IS HAPPENING.
Is it acceptable to brew and drink an entire pot of coffee at work yes or heeeck yes
Sylvia Plath poems are the best.
Vegetable party at my house, bring your dads
I have so much healthy food right now that I can't even think about fast food and it's GOOD.
If you're getting $10 off your purchase for donating to something and you donate $1 you're a total asshole.
My cat is like an incorrigible child with no respect for the law. He's ruthless.
Money is bad news and it bums me out.
When I was on a park visit at work, a little girl asked if we were doing "fun things" this summer and was beyond happy when I said we were.
Cs get degrees, but Cs aren't good enough for me.
Live with a genuine love for God and others and He will take care of the rest. 💙
I'm as dense as uranium and as cool as liquid nitrogen.
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