period sex is really awkward and uncomfortable and weird mostly because of the 17th century costumes

i identify as a dingus please don't use the word dingus derogatorily

imaging RTing in real life, standing in a bunch of people and someone says something funny then everyone starts saying it over and over.

a book called "how to get laid when you look like this" the cover is a mirror, inside it is 240 pages of HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

prank: replace the whole inside of avocados with wasabi

a dog barked and then a car alarm went off. don't steal that car dog

if you beat up a gay person you can go to prison for impersonating a police officer

"luke... help me take... this mask off" <Luke takes off Vaders mask, it is Violent J> "I was christian... the whole time... "

sorry we can't shaqcept your shaqlication, you shlaq the prerequisite shaqsperience

read my glob, listen to my globcasts, watch my globiovlog, floblow me or glibber, glib my glabb

open your mind, more, more, wait that's too much you'll start believing in homeopathy or something weird

gonna follow my dreams, today I'm going to find a skeleton to make out with then make all my teeth fall out then get into a fight with a pig

barkeep, a pint of your finest cognac and a straw please

Ash Ketchum accidentally catches himself in a pokeball, the horrible saga of slavery and torture finally ends #whitesaviorselfdestruct

eugenics: kill everyone that isn't called Eugene leaving a perfect race of Eugenes.

i'm not like most men <opens mouth, snakes crawl out>

it's okay i can make butt jokes some of my best friends are butts.

important wank formula: (<current age> - <age started jacking it>) x 365 x <times a day you jack it>

check out my new minimalist post-dancehall track <6 minutes of nothing but airhorn>

Violent J turns inside out, revealing another identical Violent J #whitesaviorselfdestruct