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Followers: 224
Favs Given: 424
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@abwineman's (Amanda Wineman) most faved Tweets...
abwineman
Never say to Dan "can you be any more annoying." He will honestly try.
@abwineman
11
sweenantichristawifeoftjweselecirreverendjimraydamselesqueDavedebruynetrebormdPenLlawenessdogg
abwineman
On first date with hubby since baby was born. Left baby for the first time 20 minutes ago. ACK!!! Maternal instinct...URK UCK BLURG ahrg
@abwineman
7
tjirreverendbiorhythmistdwinemanxntrekDavedebruyneJerryThomas
abwineman
H: There's a spider on you.
Me: (black widow!) GET IT OFF
H: Ok...
Me: (it crawls across my belly) NOW

Squish.
My husband is my hero.
@abwineman
5
irreverenddwinemanxntreksweenDavedebruyne
abwineman
Mommy!!!! WTF?!?!?

The look I got when Dory got her vaccinations today. I told her science isn't ALL pain but I'm not sure she believed me.
@abwineman
5
irreverenddwinemanmathcat345wifeoftjDavedebruyne
abwineman
You can tell I've been stuck ill in bed for a while because more and more of our pantry has joined me here.
@abwineman
4
mathcat345irreverendrongillmorerisomk
abwineman
Ooooh! Dead fly in my bra. Bonus!
@abwineman
4
dwinemandamselesquesweenkellyszush
abwineman
Dear God(s)/or not: Can I please stop being afraid of the night? I'm 32. This is not useful.
@abwineman
3
damselesquewifeoftjDavedebruyne
abwineman
"I wish I had someone to hold MY legs up while I was pooping."

Oh, now you want context?
@abwineman
4
irreverenddwinemanDavedebruynetimbalanced
abwineman
Me waiting for donuts & coffee while Dan composes yet another brilliant tweet:

(**)...sigh
-()-
| |
^ ^
@abwineman
3
irreverenddamselesquesween
abwineman
Fido defense: excuses spousal abuse precipitating from husband leaving hungry dog in bedroom with sleeping wife.
@abwineman
3
OneSmallFiredamselesqueessdogg
abwineman
Dear, what happened
To the left over pork chops you made?

I dumped them onto the floor
Because I couldn't close the Tupperware.

Happy dog.
@abwineman
3
irreverendjackholtessdogg
abwineman
Stuck watching the True Blood DVD menu recap as it loops over and over and over - Baby asleep on me. Can't reach remotes. Help!
@abwineman
3
damselesqueweselecDavedebruyne
abwineman
#tenyearsago I was in San Jose CA with the love of my life, wishing for what I have now. Love you, life!
@abwineman
3
dwinemanirreverendantichrista
abwineman
Observation leads me to believe that a baby sucking it's thumb after nursing is disturbingly similar to an adult's post-coital cigarette.
@abwineman
3
risomkdamselesqueDavedebruyne
abwineman
Reached Nanowrimo 10,000! A little behind schedule, but that's okay. I like my characters and my story is fun. So far. :)
@abwineman
3
wifeoftjdamselesqueiamnotdiddy
abwineman
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in & it stops my mind from wandering. Stupid leaky roof. Stupid wandering mind.
@abwineman
3
damselesqueantichristatimbalanced
abwineman
I'm over-tired, still up, and don't want to sleep. It's like I'm still 9 and trying to prove I can do what I want. Why do I torture myself?
@abwineman
3
irreverendsweenDavedebruyne
abwineman
@dwineman If it helps, you're very cute when you make stupid jokes.
@abwineman in reply to dwineman
3
tjdwinemanxntrek
abwineman
Not YELLOW grapefruit! I wanted pink! Wow that's sour. My digestive juices have dropped a few pH points.

Now can I dissolve small rodents?
@abwineman
3
irreverenddwinemanDavedebruyne
abwineman
Nothing better than a sushi burp through your hot chocolate.
@abwineman
2
dwinemansween
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