Of course with boobs like these who needs to be clever or funny?

What do you call it when you have a sudden weird burst of energy but no desire whatever to direct it at the task at hand?

I'm choosing to believe the illusion.

I might add jello wrestling to my bucket list.

Really VERY busy today but all I really want to do is sit around working out ways to build projectile weapons out of office supplies.

Is it weird that I just heard someone say 'bugger me backwards' and now all I can think about are the logistics of that?

My mother in law has bought me stretch mark reducing body lotion. Hint Hint.

If I get anymore tired I'm going to start hallucinating.

When you start to understand and accept your own brand of crazy it becomes easier to master.

Why do men show affection by being really irritating?

..all I need now is a brazilian wax and I could almost pass for high maintenance.

We live in a world entirely based on the concept of things eating eachother.

Innocent girl meets messed up boy. She finds his heart, he finds her libido. They live happily ever after. What are we wound up about again?

I should be sent home for the good of the business.

I'm good at exams. I like testing to be overt.

Don't be mad, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with glee at the knowledge I'm not the only person who does really dumb stuff.

I don't understand politics. Never have. Never will. So you know.

As a chef I take the silence round the table during each course as a compliment.

I love it when people tell me to be more dispassionate and less emotionally involved. You have met me, right?

Yes I live in my own little world. I like it here. It's nice.