Make all the jokes about soda you want, these no-bullshit Bloomberg press conferences are the best and I'm so glad he's our mayor.

Seriously, internet, I can read. Faster than I can watch a video. When I want instructions don't make me watch a movie. #RTFM

Reach For Me played on my iPod and for a second I was mad @krystar0driguez didn't get a Tony nomination for Hit List. I have problems.

Be sure to stay until after the credits of Les Miz when Samuel Jackson invites Marius and Cosette to join the Avengers. #fb

Dear frozen food makers: I will never know the wattage of the microwave in my office. Stop it.

Jennifer Garner and Victor Garber had better be in the new Star Wars movie.

Gov. Christie vows to veto gay marriage bill, but orders flags flown at half mast for Whitney Houston's funeral. MIXED SIGNALS!!

I'm so ready for HP to be over, but I did just chortle at this Hogwarts Snap: MT @nerdist: "Yo mamma so fat her patronus is a cake"

It's still weird to hear a US president pronounce things correctly.

How can “Norbert” exist in #Smash when Norbert already played a role on Smash????

My love of Disney parks is explained by the fact that I love stagecraft and customer service even more than I hate people. #fb

N'sync iPod docks. #90sbandsasproducts

Mics are expensive pieces of electronic equipment and really shouldn’t be dropped.

Just glared at a woman on the subway until she moved her bag off a seat, then didn't sit. I am a master.

Look, I get it, you're not from New York, you walk slowly. DO YOU HAVE TO DO IT IN SIDEWALK-WIDE PACKS???

@pamelaribon We all know what they mean, so it's kind of a moo point.

I want to snark about how this has gone too far but the truth is I love it. | Corgi Rae Jepsen http://t.co/0PfGywzy

The only believable character on #Glee is Lord Tubbington.

"Tired of tourists in Hawaii, a couple wants to move to the more laid back Fiji." FUCK YOU, HOUSE HUNTERS.

Million dollar idea: Reverse House Hunters International. Foreigners look for houses in US. "Everything's so big! Who needs 3 bathrooms?"