My grandpa loved to send funny jokes on AOL. Unfortunately, he died in a tragic accident in 1947.

Time to log in to AOL and send some smoke signals.

What if the cure for cancer is written inside every phone book in the world? Guess we'll never know.

3 out of 4 "road work ahead" signs should actually say "road work ahead JKLOL!"

I have this nervous habit where I throw tomahawks at everyone I see.

@TheSomeGuyShow Whatever, you don't know Springer guests.

"Home is where the heart is." - Buffalo Bill

This link will take you to a magical place where you can vote "yes" for me and the super hilarious @StevenAmiri: http://t.co/x3uM7ZHs

You better eat your Wheaties so you'll grow big and strong enough to be able to open a bag of Wheaties.

Not having a neuromuscular disease looks SO boring, what with all that free time you must have from not struggling with everything.

Most reality stars have a tough time transitioning from being on TV to begging strangers to let them wash their windshield for spare change.

Sit on top of a clock so you'll always be on time.

The only time I'm ever late for something is when I'm not on time.

How about quit posting stupid videos on the internet, everybody.

Little known fact: Ann Coulter's birth name was Chad.

Siri, don't break my heart.

Crack is a gateway drug.

I'm thinking about defying my wheelchair and trying stand-up.

I called in sick to work this morning so I could stay home and think about our nation.

If you sell Amway, shoot me your contact information so I can place an order for a restraining order against you.