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I'm sure Obama will make a great president. I can't wait for him to get started.
Pumped for Yogi Bear. Why come up with a new idea when you can blow the dust off a 40 year old piece of shit. Take that Pixar
I turned on the news tonight and saw the headline "trouble in the middle east" I dropped my plate in slow motion.
Happy Cinco de Mayo or as its known in France "I can't believe we lost to Mexico day"
I told my son to swing level at little league today, then I said do you know what level is ? and he said yes they have levels on Angry Birds
Good for the Japanese woman's soccer team after the devastation they suffered with the Gilbert Gottfried joke
I'm trending above Jerry Sandusky, thanks heroes.
I have a theory that Ed Hardy T- shirts are part of a secret government plan to monitor the migration of the north american douche bag.
Racist thought of the day- Its ironic that black Labs are such great swimmers
Remember, if it doesn't make you money and it doesn't make you happy. Don't do it.
Rules for online dating photos- Women must stand on a scale holding that days news paper. Men must stand in front of a 7-11 door w/ paystub
You christmas joggers can take a hike to hell
Hey Directors of movies stop the 555 when giving a phone #.Its distracting.Why not just hit the actor on the head with the fucking boom mic
From Terminator to Governator to Inseminator. What can't this man do?
The View is horrible, and I'm not afraid to tell the world or The Today Show
My new years resolution is for everyone to get their shit together
BBQ tip-instead of bbq sauce try olive oil italian parsley, chopped shallots, garlic, lemon zest, Slt&ppr, brush on and save some for dippin
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