@adamisacson's (Adam Isacson) most faved Tweets...
Belgium is a leading producer of beer, chocolate, and weapons. I picture a country full of very well-armed fat people. Another one, I mean.
Hi. I'm in a staff meeting. There are 83 ceiling tiles in our meeting room. And 8 light fixtures, with 24 fluorescent bulbs. That is all.
Stand up, the toilet flushes. Wave a hand, the faucet turns on and the paper towels eject.
I know I'll never be a Jedi. Let me have this.
I know I'll never be a Jedi. Let me have this.
When you dial somebody on a Google phone, is there an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button? That would be great for single people.
Forgot to bring my phone today. Have you tried this "paying full attention when people talk to you" nonsense? It's incredibly boring.
If this Vietnamese restaurant were any more authentic, we'd have to go up to the roof and take a helicopter home.
There are very, very few things it's OK to say to someone at the next urinal. "You must take vitamins" is not one of them.
Purina vomit on the carpet today. By now, the cat must think his name is "Fuck You." That's why he purrs whenever I use Microsoft Office.
Haven't figured out this hotel shower head. I just looked up while shampooing and waterboarded myself. I provided no useful intelligence.
After we spend billions on security and good governance in Afghanistan, can we move there? You know, for the security and good governance?
5-year-old, hearing comedian on TV: "What's a 'douchebag?'"
Me: "No, he said 'juice bag.' You know, like Capri Sun."
5yo: "Oh."
Whew.
Me: "No, he said 'juice bag.' You know, like Capri Sun."
5yo: "Oh."
Whew.
Fond as I am of Obama, I think Beyoncé's music video has done about as much for world peace. I hope someone points that out.
What Ahmadinejad needs right now is Katherine Harris, some hanging chads and Chief Justice Rehnquist. Oh yeah, and a totally docile public.
Just spent 15 minutes explaining football to my 5-year-old daughter. Now I think I'll go explain health care reform to the cat.
What's the polite thing to do when you see someone reading "uıןɐd ɥɐɹɐs ʎq 'ǝnƃoɹ ƃuıoƃ"? Do you flip the book for them, or just let it go?
Citizens of Italy, I have a confession to make. Whenever I see your flag, I think, "Basil, mozzarella, tomatoes." I'm so sorry.
Me: "Do you need to pee one last time before bed?" 5-year-old: "Nope." It's 1:30 AM, I'm changing sheets, and there's a credibility issue.
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