@adamisacson's (Adam Isacson) recently faved Tweets...
"10,000 square feet? But where would I find that many square shoes?"
Commercial real estate agents are a dour bunch.
Commercial real estate agents are a dour bunch.
Nobody told me that mid-life crisis would be so wrenching. But I'm seriously thinking about switching from Altoids to Tic Tacs.
Out of blades, I had to use one of my wife's razors. She'll never know, as long as I can plausibly explain why my face feels like a thigh.
The 5-year-old was up, "bored," at 5AM. Fuck UN sanctions. If any country ever tries to weaponize jetlagged children, we have to bomb it.
Day 3 in France. I've discovered a phrase that can keep you from starving, but gets you kicked out of shoe stores.
"Jambon et fromage."
"Jambon et fromage."
13
A cool job would be to be the guy who designs French toilets so that people like me can't figure out how to flush them.
Just arrived from an overnight flight to France and took a shower. Shower in French is "douche." Mon dieu, that was a refreshing douche.
Writing this down so I stop forgetting:
Inhale first. THEN scoop the cat litter. Not the other way around. NOT the other way around.
Inhale first. THEN scoop the cat litter. Not the other way around. NOT the other way around.
Dante was wrong. Hell is just like here, except nobody pulls out into the intersection when making a left turn. I know. I've been there.
Never book 5-year-olds to do standup comedy. If a joke gets a laugh, they just tell it over and over until last call.
Ever read an article admonishing you to eat salads, then find yourself eating a salad? Here I am, eating a salad. Stupid celery bloggers.
6
If the International House of Pancakes were truly international, its Security Council could force Iran to scrap its nuclear program.
"Settle down. You can play Whac-a-Mole when the man with the neck tattoo uses up his tokens." Chuck E Cheese is such a special place.
It's odd. I mean, families are wonderful. But people here in Washington whose workplace has the word "Family" in the name? Not so much.
A guy on the sidewalk outside Whole Foods suggested I reduce my carbon footprint. Which was odd, since it was pretty obviously just dog poo.
I hope the points on my driver's license work like they do on my Visa. 2 more moving violations and I'll get a free personal massager.
Ran out of laundry detergent, so I poured in some Windex. It worked OK, except for all the birds smacking into me.
My cat purrs and rubs against me when he's about to be fed. I'm glad I don't do that. The guy behind the Subway counter has it bad enough.
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