... a man in bed is worth two in the bush... wait... that sounds wrong...

Things i forgot: food, leaving my coat and hoodie at home things i almost forgot: panties

He's french. We have the same last name. He's hot. He's talented. I'm afraid He's my brother.

OH ''...i don't know, it's been a while since i've had sperm in my shower''

HI!, I'm drunk. i never do stupid shit when u'm drunk. even when i want to. i think it's because my friends rule. or i'm old.

There needs to be more HOT single men at #beerandblog hot married guys = :( #nofilterfriday

clothes back on and back to original plans! hair is no longer straight. fuck it i say fuck it

You know something is wrong when @the_davislove won't look at a penis...

RT @naporeon I'd like to develop the world's finest wine, box it, use Comic Sans &clip-art for the label. I'll call it, "Surprise, Bitches!"

I may not have finished a knitting project in a year+ but No one can say I'm not a hardcore knitter after last night #vaguelyvaguetweet

Oh: yeah, you never stick your finger up anyone's bum on the first date.

Wine is sunlight held together by water.

Tip: if you have to convince yourself something is right it probally isn't.

can someone alert death to where I am? I'm tired of feeling this way. My skin is on fire and my head wants to explode.

I'm in my bathroom and @jarvitron is on my toilet, anyoen see a problem with this?

Such a great day.

Ummmm. http://t.co/eZFW36Ys

Yeah. This. http://t.co/zwyycg4c

http://twitpic.com/44t88r chillin

I now have a tequila infused va-he-na. #thoughtyoudliketoknow