Seeking arrogant man-child for one night stand and long term obsession. Ignore me if you're interested, I'll get the hint.

The term "zombie apocalypse" is racist. Why not say "un-dead freedom movement," so much more positive.

 http://youtu.be/K3zORH8ximI  @sutterink talks about the writing process and gets bitch slapped by his bird while wearing his pajamas.

I wouldn't kick you out of bed, but this is a van, so you've gotta go.

Earth, Wind and Fire sure must get thirsty.

#SexIsGoodWhen you're thinking to yourself, "Man, I am totally gonna get a UTI tomorrow."

I know I should scold my cat for humping my leg, but it's Friday, and I'm home alone, and action is action.

I wish Australian people would complain about their backwards weather more, pondering a icy cold July would be a fun addition to my day.

Death Metal Kitty... pic.twitter.com/PA1a8D5N9I

This scares the shitting fuck shit out of me.  http://now.msn.com/christopher-dorner-is-first-drone-target-on-us-soil …

When I know someone makes a gagillion dollars writing comedy for a living, I immidiately expect more from them. That means you MacFarlane.

At what age is a person too old for Jello shots? 35, right?

Such an amazing Hollywood dream day, sitting at the table with the folks who make #SOA happen. Then realizing I'm one of them. #swoon

I love my cast iron skillet. Makes meat taste delicious after you've killed it with your cast iron skillet.

Watch 666 Park Avenue tonight. The ending will blow your freaking mind.

Denny's, curing late night Gothic hunger pangs since 1980.

Birds do it, bees do it, you and I just sit around talking about the Holocaust.

I was gonna organize my bathroom today, but now that it's practically legal, I think I'm gonna get fucked up and kill a bunch of babies.

Just washed my face with shampoo and my eyebrows were all, "Finally, a little respect around here."

I have the biggest tits in my ballet class and I'm still more graceful then those spaz-ass seven-year-olds.