And so the playoffs begin! The NHL would like to remind its fans: Get Weird. #Blackhawks

I thought that North Korea was launching a missile today. Sounds like they're having trouble lighting the wick.

@codyclark65 @edurr Hey thanks! Honored to be your favorite non-female set of twins

Notre Dame defense is looking a lot like Manti Te'o's girlfriend

Hey Windows 8, want to make your store mainstream?
1. Add an app that plays video of NCAA tournament
2. ???
3. Profit

CBS: let's show how Michigan is playing excellent defense, let's show this by showing offensive highlights

Just called electrician to fix outlets. He came over, determined they don't work and left. Basically just hired a creepy guy to come "hang"

Ever since I put weather on my phone, I suddenly have nothing to talk to strangers about

Someone just got fired

Really upset at the lack of nipple this year

Buy an Audi, get punched.

The set of GameDay right now pic.twitter.com/LacarBEQ

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but this bitch won't shut up about her cat. I hate her.

That awkward moment after opening Christmas presents where you have to hang out with the family...

Apparently yelling "Push Mary! Push!" at Christmas Eve Mass is frowned upon.

Spent most of Christmas Eve Mass pretending to know the words to songs and scoping out girls I'd still bang. Merry Christmas everyone!

Reasons I need a job: 1. Rent 2. Living out ridiculous fantasies 3. I'm not gonna watch TV while not high.

Settle down Elston, no need to get all gangsta from the bench.

Hit me up on SnapChat @adurrsdickpics

Out of principal, I will never let a Prius merge.