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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Gift @afbradstone Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,613
    • FAVS
    kayraiMrMooGertroxaroodwtmoswoleBurds_1WTF_MYOBdangerousdave__MomOfTeen
    • 1,096
    • RETWEETS
    MrMooGertS_W_A_73roxaroodwtmoswolewalkingbad420tjcirimeleJack__Lewis22JoeC_Esquire
    KyleMcDowell86EliHansenMusiciamjeffsloanWhatevaConcflashemberPaperWashbromanconsulBarryVonAwesome
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    [me as a simple country lawyer]
    Seems to me
    *snaps suspenders*
    OW MY FUCKING NIPPLES

    • 1,239
    • FAVS
    georgiasmith_xrobomousecopAmburglar_ABisqueToDieForjohntoconnorriley_foxnbadagpassivefrenzy
    • 531
    • RETWEETS
    robomousecopwhitehiphopcopjordanrdooleyMrMDMaloneyPfeifferHeidilimehalloweenjacorsedatedandcalm
    blood_orphan
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Disneyland should have a Godfather I & II ride where all you do is slowly shut a door in Diane Keaton's face.

    • 748
    • FAVS
    Burds_1stephanie_krassLMFOFLpunmagnateKimJongSeanjakob_huberFrenulumBreveewfeez
    • 469
    • RETWEETS
    LMFOFLRHadrienSaalHassanFrenulumBreveTheAlexNevilfavstar_historyTheRealRHBdtipson
    FrenulumBrevejefftminston
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    "At Domino's Pizza, we no longer remember what we're apologizing for. Here, have nine meat lumps on a piece of school lavatory paper towel."

    • 689
    • FAVS
    ReallyfamoussBLG216caiteejanejunkyardigankatsuyakyokoDatowneStelfairmmgowdey
    • 236
    • RETWEETS
    BLG216guy_someone69wolvesshmolvesHopeHeaddenTeflonJon__MalloryCoyleTOSHPOINTBROdanixperez_
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    RIP my trigonometry teacher who fell into a bin of protractors. He's with the angles nowTHIS USER HAS BEEN SUSPENDED

    • 653
    • FAVS
    TLchDer367DeluxiansTheAlexNevilTheRealRHBRobbi123TheCoosmanfalloutboyisbadWGladstone
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    vocalfriesTheAlexNevilTheRealRHBMattRuppelallenbrochill68hashtagbluntsTheWillieCoxJrHob__Goblin
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Whereas life once seemed so full of wonder, I now have a favorite brand of kitchen sponge and a second favorite brand of kitchen sponge

    • 554
    • FAVS
    ParrtyCatBurds_1Reallyfamousscaptain_siccaiteejaneBLG216katsuyakyokomattmyler
    • 259
    • RETWEETS
    ReallyfamoussOriginalKazilaNitrosomereglitterfetusfireindarcadewowtruBrymerkinslaurpen
    berger2323
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Please accept my deepest daaaaang on the loss of your mother.

    • 615
    • FAVS
    caseyhatesboystabbixoxosarahmahmoud95NabsterdamusiillttaaffsporknporkheymonroeAveryFogarty
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    TungstenKneecapBethanyImmoorSamReidSaysHarassedMe3DprintedpizzaGladdyBearandypattonkevin301
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Whenever someone at the bar mentions Martin Scorsese, I casually intone "Oh, Marty?" Then I kick back & ride the Zima train to Handjob City

    • 590
    • FAVS
    Burds_1berger2323SenorSleevezarascottioecho_dollBrandonFord5chinchillawillyhazelmotes1
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    BrandonFord5DarrenBakerjessokfineKevin_HoguericosuavetbsaintfannieClaranovichShanehasabeard
    danjan13DanielRCarrilloLHGarrett
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Can't remember whether my son's name is Declan or Dylan but honestly who gives a shit

    • 579
    • FAVS
    ParrtyCatBurds_1ChrisPittsleyHuber138ewfeez_robriesling_Holliewithan_iecandidartichoke
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    buhsbaby_babyfuzzlimepopcorndudespathammergirlDanielRCarrillonamedafternumankaylorteeseeWhatevaConc
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    *does legendary Babe Ruth point at Number 6 on the Wendy's menu*

    • 425
    • FAVS
    HiddenPinkyriley_foxsporeguyafroonding_loomBurds_1berger2323Porn_n_ChickenSilverBadger
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    froonding_loomyerpalmildsauceberger2323Porn_n_ChickenSilverBadgerHaibai23mannion_nateTheRobCee
    ewfeez
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Ah, water; faucet vodka, the snowman's jism, creek syrup, jism of the clouds, nature's Fresca, hose jism

    • 442
    • FAVS
    9four9DerekHill8ChrisGmyrekhotchldnthecityRunwayDanaaronwhttnmotivemeansoppoElleOhHell
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    OmegaaRoyakayschneiderPrivate_yumjonowen9TheRealAlexShowalftippinTeleVision3733hotchldnthecity
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Extroverts want introverts to alter their personalities and introverts want extroverts to just shut the fuck up for two seconds.

    • 358
    • FAVS
    Burds_1Reallyfamoussemilypittfancaiteejanekatsuyakyokoiseelucidlyseanferdtahirisunrider
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    woundedbeercanLoganamjdarya_deeguy_someone69sasquatchin1EuropaIuroNotDavidKricharddoomed
    endlesstunnels
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    "My top microbrews ar-" but I press my finger to your lips. I keep pressing. I press you into your mother's womb. Into your father's balls.

    • 376
    • FAVS
    berger2323clairenaomi22metcalflovesyoucaiteejanekatsuyakyokoDatowneSamGrittnermattmyler
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    berger2323rogerduprevostnorhavenktwelvesScruff_MC_BuffoswegoweebcallmefuckfaceRayWillet
    Manda_like_wine
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    My wife just asked me in all sincerity what mansplaining means *takes sip of disgusting $19.00 microbrewery IPA* Well,

    • 360
    • FAVS
    forever90sboyErroneousJuanTheDairylandDoncogentanalysisCalmTombsplitpeaandhamvladchocDr_RaulDuke
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    leilalaplantemaritimexpatamykate75mirikuincognitoTheMontresorKrilll_phong3djaunty_julie
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    A fun thing to do on spaghetti night with your spouse & kids is bite into a spicy meatball & exclaim, "I've got another family across town!"

    • 325
    • FAVS
    ReticentTurnipTheRealRHBMrsTomServoRobbi123HollyMemphisJermHimselfishfalloutboyisbadJoelAnair
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHBcurthopkinsManda_like_wineFloreousPFitzpadreamthievinhashtagbluntsdongblaster
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    *I walk in bruised and bloodied* You should see the other guy; great hair, winning smile, lovely eyes, can't take a compliment, nice smell.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    redpawn3TheRealRHBWhoopdeedoo22Robbi123falloutboyisbadDanKCharnleyCalvinHairstyleari5000
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHBrim_bodsomecleverthingFavstar250NickConsIrlTreedragnutjlerwin
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Pre-1971 Starburst flavors:

    Red=rhubarb
    Yellow=yolk
    Pink=flesh
    Orange=thalidomide

    • 253
    • FAVS
    Phydeaux_Manda_like_wineNavajoallstar10Whoopdeedoo22JermHimselfishfalloutboyisbadDanKCharnleymysteryspoons
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar250TCLiddellprettygoodyeartrashcant_VestaTot__bobtikinicoolnotebookFlintRamble
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Foghorns for my leg friends, leghorns for my, I say, leghorns for my fog frie

    • 229
    • FAVS
    Burds_1speknycrutik_sTheRealRHBducksbacktooKattsDogmarealmrkimbell100DollarChill
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    speknycTheRealRHBbombsydollTheWoodenslurpyTheGrimKingGlennmandirectBucketEMrsTomServo
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    BRAIN: That is not a Wendy's. You will be ritualistically murdered in there
    TUMMY: Spicy chicken sandwich pic.twitter.com/bs8R694jOZ

    • 234
    • FAVS
    Burds_1TheRealRHBfindmydollsmablazarusMrsTomServoWhoopdeedoo22thecaribbeansmeagolsfree
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    guillermocanbamrhinelander54cermaknlrsfSzczepantski__NickPollock2unhillbillyelkippy
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Do I consider myself a "bad boy"?
    *cuts english muffin along y-axis*
    You tell me
    [later]
    *apologizes to muffin*

    • 227
    • FAVS
    CalvinHairstylelanyardiganKelseynotChelsiRiverCleggyup_thats_wordsmadcaplaughs30Metalligretchewfeez
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    jaecybKelseynotChelsiJentryKnighton0__0__o__0__0ewfeezbombsydolljohnkoskoladwall
@afbradstone

@afbradstone

creator of Sex Muesli® and Sex Muesli® with raisins™

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