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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Gift @afbradstone Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,646
    • LIKES
    andrew_cotteezombieiteDavePelnafightforfoodSnigdha_RaiCHANIMAL_santaclousevakatiesd
    • 1,101
    • RETWEETS
    DavePelnaSnigdha_RaiSeannyboy100adecentteasierra_lylenoplaneson911Tierno158SamiAvigdor
    damakattackKyleMcDowell86EliHansenMusiciamjeffsloanWhatevaConcflashemberPaperWashbromanconsulBarryVonAwesome
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    [me as a simple country lawyer]
    Seems to me
    *snaps suspenders*
    OW MY FUCKING NIPPLES

    • 1,244
    • LIKES
    CelebrityChezmeganshpettitKitchens_GalorestarIingsZStovallAndyHFXCpin42ICountBeanss
    • 531
    • RETWEETS
    MariaHeineggrobomousecopwhitehiphopcopjordanrdooleyMrMDMaloneyPfeifferHeidiuuuncomfortablejacor
    blood_orphan
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Disneyland should have a Godfather I & II ride where all you do is slowly shut a door in Diane Keaton's face.

    • 753
    • LIKES
    CelebrityCheztherealeatwoodmeganshpettitadvantageperfCpin42KerfuckusBurds_1stephanie_krass__
    • 469
    • RETWEETS
    LMFOFLRHadrienSaalHassanFrenulumBreveTheAlexNevilfavstar_historyTheRealRHBdtipson
    FrenulumBrevejefftminston
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Whereas life once seemed so full of wonder, I now have a favorite brand of kitchen sponge and a second favorite brand of kitchen sponge

    • 737
    • LIKES
    KimchiBreathkaufmanickellandrewsPAanna_vanaCelebrityChezsarahwilkeseminmienImSoFrancis
    • 320
    • RETWEETS
    KimchiBreathMikedeciccothecaribbeaneminmienScottyRayJTeabs1984TheJimIsALieRobertManchild
    berger2323
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Whenever someone at the bar mentions Martin Scorsese, I casually intone "Oh, Marty?" Then I kick back & ride the Zima train to Handjob City

    • 775
    • LIKES
    eminmienclairebbbbbjoshkurodaLittleJimmy61bag_ofrocksRobertManchildtharges1BullBearSock
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    Teabs1984TheMillerEffectRobertManchildGregStimmlertherealeatwoodprocrastadroitjimnobuAnalsaurass
    danjan13DanielRCarrilloLHGarrett
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    "At Domino's Pizza, we no longer remember what we're apologizing for. Here, have nine meat lumps on a piece of school lavatory paper towel."

    • 692
    • LIKES
    JehovasWaitressCpin42CelebrityChezmeganshpettitReallyfamoussBLG216caiteejanejunkyardigan
    • 236
    • RETWEETS
    BLG216guy_someone69wolvesshmolvesHopeHeaddenTeflonJon__MalloryCoyleTOSHPOINTBROdanixperez_
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    RIP my trigonometry teacher who fell into a bin of protractors. He's with the angles nowTHIS USER HAS BEEN SUSPENDED

    • 654
    • LIKES
    kanedanielTLchDer367DeluxiansTheAlexNevilTheRealRHBRobbi123TheCoosmanfalloutboyisbad__
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    vocalfriesTheAlexNevilTheRealRHBMattRuppelallenbrochill68hashtagbluntsTheWillieCoxJrHob__Goblin
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Please accept my deepest daaaaang on the loss of your mother.

    • 621
    • LIKES
    JehovasWaitressRebeccaMcDadeWybackwastakenPSBStarsPauldo86lindsayleliveltJakWitsideeyebob
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    toomanytoesTungstenKneecapTwits_GigglesSamReidSaysHarassedMe3DprintedpizzaGladdyBearandypatton
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Can't remember whether my son's name is Declan or Dylan but honestly who gives a shit

    • 581
    • LIKES
    Cpin42ICountBeanssParrtyCatBurds_1ChrisPittsleyHuber138ewfeezrobrickle
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    sideeyebobtoomanytoesbuhsbaby_babyfuzzlimepopcorndudespathammergirlDanielRCarrillonamedafternuman
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    My family could never afford that fancy Burts Bees cleansing comfort lotion, no sir, we made do with Herberts Hornets lacerating pain venom

    • 467
    • LIKES
    _2punk4u_CliffordPeytonWybackwastakenJuliaEckardtandydeffloskiiAmyLou452PSBStars
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    pizzahut1061CliffordPeytonWybackwastakenlissaCNPSBStarsdanfairnocarepdxpigjohnpwashburn
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Ah, water; faucet vodka, the snowman's jism, creek syrup, jism of the clouds, nature's Fresca, hose jism

    • 476
    • LIKES
    JohnMarkowitzlonelysandwichIanWearsPantsDiscountdraculatweetingmartyklickitatstreettjbehanzoo_cop
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    meganshpettitWybackwastakentoomanytoesTurtles816TheTimmyToessomecleverthingOldUlyssesakayschneider
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    *does legendary Babe Ruth point at Number 6 on the Wendy's menu*

    • 426
    • LIKES
    Alex_The_LoweandydefapopagasmtoomanytoesHiddenPinkyriley_foxsporeguyafroonding_loom
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    toomanytoesfroonding_loomyerpalmildsauceberger2323Porn_n_ChickenSilverBadgerHaibai23mannion_nate
    ewfeez
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Pre-1971 Starburst flavors:

    Red=rhubarb
    Yellow=yolk
    Pink=flesh
    Orange=thalidomide

    • 402
    • LIKES
    Cpin42kla2brtanik2jillianvancuraScorpionDongfrankenfine_pseudotastica_andrewfallonDJDadMCMom
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    arlisstheasianFather_DankinsZora_d_1991ColinJonsonthe_gwallaLordJolanHalleyGerberfumigator110
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    Extroverts want introverts to alter their personalities and introverts want extroverts to just shut the fuck up for two seconds.

    • 358
    • LIKES
    Burds_1Reallyfamoussemilypittfancaiteejanekatsuyakyokoiseelucidlyseanferdtahirisunrider
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    uglydoormatLoganamjdarya_deeguy_someone69sasquatchin1EuropaIuroNotDavidKricharddoomed
    richmondxdxj
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    "My top microbrews ar-" but I press my finger to your lips. I keep pressing. I press you into your mother's womb. Into your father's balls.

    • 402
    • LIKES
    Cpin42homphblomphnonoathbreakerSaulJRosenbearsophvargoBenjyHimmeljay_jdavisrebenjamint
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    homphblomphCWMarkwellrobb_iekairakawaiiacoolwetsackRow_Boat_Copmax___eSamiAvigdor
    Manda_like_wine
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    My wife just asked me in all sincerity what mansplaining means *takes sip of disgusting $19.00 microbrewery IPA* Well,

    • 362
    • LIKES
    therealeatwoodbehindyourbackforever90sboyErroneousJuan__TheDairylandDoncogentanalysisCalmTombsplitpeaandham
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    leilalaplantemaritimexpatamykate75mirikuincognitoTheMontresorKrilll_phong3djaunty_julie
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    A fun thing to do on spaghetti night with your spouse & kids is bite into a spicy meatball & exclaim, "I've got another family across town!"

    • 327
    • LIKES
    Alex_The_LoweNuttyCollegeMom__toomanytoesCpin42ICountBeanssReticentTurnipTheRealRHBMrsTomServo
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    beaterbarker__toomanytoesTheRealRHBcurthopkinsManda_like_wineFloreousPFitzpadreamthievin
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    [watching a program about WWII]
    "I would have been a hero in that"
    *burns roof of mouth on yogurt somehow*

    • 343
    • LIKES
    Cpin42therealeatwoodRevBigBabyHueyWrongoutloudMKUltra_violetYabbaDabbaDoNotchevinthedudeFattMernandez
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    jamesformbyWomonologueMrJeanJohnOhRatherryaneatscakephaserstopunulneaburnettski92
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    BRAIN: That is not a Wendy's. You will be ritualistically murdered in there
    TUMMY: Spicy chicken sandwich pic.twitter.com/bs8R694jOZ

    • 295
    • LIKES
    iinkedZombieDuhhhh_DaraRubberGlueFU78hheatherDillonGerouxTEAM_BANE__lolispatsVladHammer
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    TEAM_BANE__sokyshipnEmily5656amandahudson__Mindless4Milesmidnitesocmeghanalbert23xelrach
  • afbradstone
      afbradstone @afbradstone

    *I walk in bruised and bloodied* You should see the other guy; great hair, winning smile, lovely eyes, can't take a compliment, nice smell.

    • 269
    • LIKES
    Alex_The_LowevakatiesdseanyeattsdukecityflowersJakWitevlbzltyryerpalmildsaucetoomanytoes
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    yerpalmildsaucetoomanytoesTheRealRHBrim_bodsomecleverthingFavstar250NickConsIrlTree
@afbradstone

@afbradstone

creator of Sex Muesli® and Sex Muesli® with raisins

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