The biggest upside to being 38 is that most of my really slutty behavior happened before the cell phone camera.

I don’t wear clothing with words on the ass because:1) I’m 38 2) My ass speaks for itself 3) You should be looking at my face, it’s pretty.

Disagree if you want but as an adult I don’t think any behavior is “slutty”, we’re adults, we enjoy ourselves. Case closed.

I thought I had limits, then I joined Twitter and it turns they were like loose guidelines.

News flash: my thighs touch.

I'm a woman, I have curves. It's one of the best diffs between men & women.

Realizations:
Really good people = Boring
Really naughty people = Better
Good people w/ a secret naughty side = Best

Baby, if you want to kiss me, just grab me. Don't ask.

Ever notice that women are shaped like guitars?
Ever notice how women love guitar players?
Lesson: Know your audience.

Getting a lot of DM’s. Answers to ??’s are here.Good luck.
38, Married, Blue, 38D, Real, No kids, White, I’d probably try it. Nah,I’m good.

Single guys frequently say my husband is lucky. Married men know better. Even the ‘nicest’ girl will go batshitcrazy after you marry her.

My advice to young women : whore it up now. It will cut down the chance of you thinking you missed something when you are older. Trust me.

Crazy is the new sexy, right?
40 is the new 30, right?
No one can see your roots.

---lies I tell myself.

I have a vibrator for 3 reasons:
1) I'm not as industrious as the women of the past
2) I'm not into manual labor
3) I like a sure thing

If you star 4 or more of my tweets I'm just going to follow you- even though you aren't following b/c you seem like you have good taste.

If you reach for the phone before your morning pee, you have a problem.

Me, too. What the FUCK are we gonna do?

You know you want to talk to me, stop trying to be cool, this isn’t high school.

Yes, I do have thick, strong hair excellent for pulling.

It’s nice of you to notice and mention it.

Twitter- where you never need to masturbate alone.

I joined Twitter 6 wks ago, considering how it's going I fully expect to be sold as a sex slave or be the head of cult by July.
Coin toss?

The most loaded question in the world (to me): Are you happily married?
My answer: I’m spoken for.