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"I'm a Vegan. 9." - Vegan's answer to "Excuse me, what time does the mall close?"
Did you know that if you skinned Larry King & ironed out his leather, you could make enough coats to give 1 to every poor child in America?
The Adventures of OxyconTin Tin #FavoriteLimbaughMovies
I have no idea what was under my fingernail but I ate it anyway.
It's like they say, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the Conservative Party."
"There's a little bit of Tiger Woods in all of us." - Women
Life begins at contraception.
I'll be at Chapters this morning signing random books from 10am-2pm (or until I get kicked out/arrested). Come down and say hi!
The Bourne Rich Legacy #FavoriteRomneyMovies
PLEASE RT OR I'll KILL YOUR FAMILY #DoritosLocosTacos #Contest
"The measure of a man is what man would do for a Klondike bar." - MLK, 1959 #obscureMLKquotes
My uncle lived everyday like it was his last. Also, my uncle is broke, in jail for credit card fraud and has hepatitis C.
Left a foot-long sub in the bathroom at work before heading out, if anyone's hungry.
"Vote 4 Pedro's Deportation" #ConservativeTShirts
Steven Tyler is leaving American Idol to become glue.
I freaked my neighbors out by telling them I ran over their Pomeranian but actually I just ran over their 3 yr old! LOL April Fooled them!