You'd be amazed at what I can get over.

We can put a man on the Moon but we can't teach assholes to be decent to others. This is one of the reasons I drink daily.

Sarah Palin says Obama should "Stop reading the Teleprompter and do his job!" While reading a Teleprompter and having NO job. Well played.

I'm too tired to fight for anything.

Sometimes, I forget that I know what I'm doing.

By not being a bitch. That’s how.

Music shouldn't be defined by the faces behind the instruments, it should be defined by the meanings behind the lyrics.

Shit, I might be a weirdo. :/

I envy your ability to sleep at night.

You're so precious when you're drinking and by precious I mean annoying.

People who adopt a child because they can't have children, and return it because of learning disabilities, should be banned from adopting.

I'm damaged, you're damaged, who the hell ISN'T damaged?

According to a recent study, cockroaches can resist radiation, extreme temperatures, the apocalypse and 6 hours of Justin Bieber songs.

I wish my life was happy enough to live sober.

Some days you're the trunk, Some days you're the hooker.

Pride is a weapon of mass destruction.

2013, should be flying cars and fully operational robot slaves.
Instead...fights about who has rights to contraceptives, marriage, and guns.

That fine line between marriage and catastrophe.

drink me to sleep

The people who don't support background checks, probably just don't want too many to find out that they're their own grandparent.