prayer circle that @theblowout has a way of making this happen with neville and lucy pic.twitter.com/44masr1N

Sext(?): my left nip is so itchy and I'm afraid to check webmd because it'll probably say breast cancer and can guys even get that

My zombie apocalypse playlist is all nickelback songs. Hopefully the zombies will blow their brains out when they hear it so I won't have to

Note to @ridiculouscheck's family: she's knee deep in swooning bitches

@tigersgoroooar apology acceptits.....
acceptitties.....


....accepted.

A big thank you to @theblowout for sharing joan, neville, lucy, and the opportunity to call people trashcans with the rest of us.

Everything is getting me fired up and this is exhausting. I'd like to go back to being in a constant state of indifference now please

Beneath my asshole façade is an even bigger bitch, so yeah you're all welcome :)

Hi, please take your shriveled up privates and sagging bosoms off the fucking road and back into the retirement home where no one visits you

The best part of acting like a decent human being is HAHAHAHA AS IF I KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT BEING HUMAN OR DECENT

Mom's bragging to the relatives about one of her kids ......I'm an only child so she must be talking about one of the dogs

Reasons I prefer sleeves over tissues:
-environmentally friendly
-softer
-always handy
-adds unique quality to my clothes

Don't talk to me about self control. I'm surrounded by flaky biscuits, rum cake, cookies etc and I'm snacking on stir fried veggies instead

Yeah I did just make hot chocolate by stirring in 2 tables of nutella in warm milk. You say wtf i say fuck you i'm a genius, potato potahtoe

Baby back ribbed for your pleasure.

Did I do that right @swoontwang?

Oh hello wii remote whatcha doing in my shorts? Things definitely took a wrong turn somewhere between the couch cushions.

The urge to subtweet is almost unbearable but I honestly just need to learn to shake things off.

It kills me that people think they’re broken and need fixing. You're not broken. You’re hurt. You don’t need fixing, just time to heal.

MY FEVER HAS REACHED AN ALL TIME HIGH I JUST HALLUCINATED THAT @emilyjean3865 WAS AT THE LIBRARY THIS IS THE END OF TIMES EVERYONE

I just want to thank my best friend for always being there for me through the good times and the bad. Thank you for your support, @pinkberry