A fun thing to say during sex is "Oh yeah, keep it up. You're doing a great job!"

MITT 2012 #SaddestKnuckleTattoo

if you're the first car in a left turn lane, you have a moral responsibility to haul ass the moment the arrow turns green

Kudos to the reporters yelling "Do you smoke crack" at Rob Ford, as if maybe he'll be like "Oh, yeah, totally."

"I want to wear a prom dress and sing the chorus from every single one of my songs." - Mariah Carey on the 'American Idol' finale.

Axe body spray is simply human Fabreze.

The Infinite Wisdom Of Creed Bratton, Just In Time For ‘The Office’ Series Finale  http://bit.ly/14tCoEQ 

Rainn Wilson Tears Up In This Farewell Video From The Cast Of ‘The Office’  http://bit.ly/12bUZU8 

Twitter has revolutionized the slut industry.

‘I AM WONDER WOMAN’: Restaurant Owners Meltdown On Facebook After ‘Kitchen Nightmares’ Appearance  http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2013/05/i-am-not-stupid-all-of-you-are-arizona-restaurant-owners-freak-out-at-customers-on-facebook/ …

Coworker: "So, I have this friend who wants me to do some design work for his startup, but he says he can't pa--" Me: "NO NO NO NO NO NO."

Eric Holder: If you don't know the circumstances, how do you know how intense the leak was and if not you, who gave the ok to take emails?

It's fun seeing people's misogyny and fear of their own mortality come out in full force with this Angelina Jolie news.

You say "POS," I definitely don't think "Point Of Sale."

I'm just so friggin insensed over #Benghazi & the government's obvious attempt to-- Oh, look, a sandwich!

Dumbass Sports Reporter CONGRATULATES Matthew Perry On Cancellation Of 'Go On'  http://bit.ly/11z9J4p 

Idea for 24: Jack Bauer gets a cold, spends all day in bed complaining about daytime television.

Jodi Arias is what happens when you have an "i" at the end of your first name instead if a "y"

People I hope rot in hell: Hitler, Pol Pot, inventor of Trader Joe's herbal toothpaste

You say Benghazi, I say Iraq. You say "4 Americans dead." I say 4,000. Benghazi, Iraq. 4 Dead. 4,000. Let's call the whole thing off.