Carefully with those analbeeds, your not starting a lawnmower...

Painting and pussy, if you don't get some on you, you aren't doing it right....

Facebook reaches 500 million users, previous record holder, heroine....

I buy the married man boxes of condoms..12 in a box..one for each month...

When I was asked what I was doin when I was caught jerking to animal planet I shouldn't have said fighting cavities...

Just filed for pussy bankruptcy...

Never date an Indian girl named Wandering Beaver...

My wife is nicer to the people who came out her vagina than she is to the person who cums in her vagina....

I don't shit were I eat but I will fuck there...

I like ...fuck it. I like it all, orgy....

I only like skim Milf..

The first Slut is the deepest...

I would give anything for a joint and a handjob from a midget with a hairlip,on Xanax...

Yeah, I'll do the job, and if I can't, I fuck it up good enough to make a big job for somebody else...

If I reach 300 followers tonight I am giving my wife a Blumpkin..its possible I think..

Beer in the left hand, Starfucking you with the right...

My girlfriends closet shouldn't smell like a pirates asshole...

Got a big green pickle in my pants, happy St.Pattys day...

I think a lot of people just go and walk around Walmart for the air conditioning....

My sons bieber haircut makes him look like me as a lesbian...