you just cant waste your sins on any fucking body these days

Being a stay at home dad is awesome, unless you have kids.

if your fondest childhood memory is smoking crack under a slide, you're probably my uncle rayray..

My daughter wants cupcakes with skulls on em..I must be doing something right

Excuse the fuck out of me. I forgot you were perfect as hell

like a moth through a flame...you're a dumb bitch

fuck a typo, the past tense of tweet is twat..so, there's that shit

I don't wear underwear. you need pants for that...

the last time I was abducted by aliens, I woke up in the backseat of a ford probe in mexico with an avocado up my ass..out of this world..

my family tree is weed...

When it comes to letting myself down, I never let myself down

I hate reruns. except for that fat dude from 'whats happening'. he's pretty cool..

If you've never poured beer on pussy and let it run into your mouth with a funnel then fuck you..

I burn bridges with the best accelerants..

Why the fuck is it so hard to read the scriptures off the side of this joint?

I have a thuggish ruggish boner to pick with you..

I was thinking maybe there's a komodo dragon playing a piano inside of black holes

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to me

who? me? - guilty ass pronouns

You were almost perfect