Third Eye Staring Into The Sun For An Extended Period #EarlierVersionsOfBands @johnmoe

This coconut water claims that it's "like sticking a straw in a coconut." So what they're saying about the drink is that it's impossible.

I don't find #reasonstobeatyourgirlfriend inappropriate. If I had a girlfriend, I'd be at her all the time. I wouldn't be at anyone else!

My dream is to attend a TED talk and right at the end, I'll raise my hand and stand up and ask "yeah but how come tho?"

WHAT A NIGHT FOR LONG-HAIRED BLONDE MEN

If Jesus was in the X-Men probably his best move would be to turn all the water in his enemies' bodies into wine.

RT IF YOU SUCK AT SHIT

BRIDEZILLAS VS. MECHABRIDEZILLAS

"Okay, okay, but just a quickie, I have to be at work in three days." - Sting's wife

For lent, I am giving up Catholicism and original jokes.

Jokes where you pretend to give up in the middle of them are the new okay you know what forget it

WTF I BOUGHT LIKE 400 RED COFFEE CUPS AT 7-11

Projected: Obama wins every state you'd ever like to spend any time in.

Zac Efron as Han Solo in Episode VII: The Quest for i honestly really dont care at this point

but what if gatsby was like a cool guy with music like from today

This Just In: Seemingly Every Public Place Now Playing Loud Christmas Music Very Unapolagetically

Hahaha nah but for real tho what is life

may the sixteenth be with you

Late last night, my fantasy baseball team was wiped out in a goblin raid :(

BREAKING NEWS EXCLUSIVE: ME TO SUCK JJ ABRAMS' DICK