If you love someone set them free. If they come back with the police, you might want to let the others go too.

Tequila is a sneaky bitch. One minute you're dancing like a sexy mofo and the next you're on the ground, pantsless, making out with a shoe.

Every time you RT me a Justin Bieber fan dies.

I like people who have a sense of individuality. I love expression &
anything awkward & imperfect because that's natural & that's real.

My sexual preference is often.

You have a sick, twisted mind. Followed.

I have decided not to focus on my past anymore. So if I owe you money, I'm sorry.

I'm outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible
regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Weekend forecast: Mostly drunk, with a chance of horny.

When someone is flirting with you, please cooperate.

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I'd never be bored again.

Oh, what a lovely shade of slut you are wearing today..

This tweet is dedicated to everyone who wonders if I'm tweeting about them. I am.

I only say 'bless you' twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn't take and that you're a demon who must be destroyed.

Just once I'd like to hear Judge Judy say: 'You're a cunt, case dismissed.'

who is your heart beating for?

Thank you for your opinion. I'll file it between 'I don't give a fuck' & 'sucks to be you.'

If they miss you, they'll call. If they want you,
they'll say it. If they care, they'll show it.