@cmdr_hadfield In solidarity with you, none of us have been bathing either.

@puddingboobs Voluptuous means "fat, but I still want to sleep with you."

@spritopias Romney is like the most aggressive car dealer ever.

@blakehounshell Next week: angry Polish-Americans demand the show be cancelled.

April is the cruelest month.

I need a very wide mail-slot on my front door so I can have a pizza delivered without making ashamed-eye-contact with the delivery person.

@adar79angie Carpal Tunnel of Love.

@buzzfeedandrew Filet o' Catfish?

@gerardmulligan1 I think it's kind of mean of you to "out" the guy. What if he has kids?

@tomhanksishot SMH

@lanyardtwerk I had to google that, but you're spot-on!

@dick_nixon @mikememoli Warn him to stay out of the locker room  http://sloblogs.thetribunenews.com/slovault/2010/02/beer-shampoo-for-nixon/ …

@lanyardtwerk Most of us only experience this in the changing room..

@dick_nixon Bring us together.

@butt_sword That's the nicest thing anyone's ever tweeted.

@dick_nixon She could use a good Republican cloth coat.

@jennamariecarey I'm bringing my black light.

@liam_julian Do you realize how rare those are in the wild?

@duplicitron Genius!

@jennamariecarey Sugar and spice, and everything nice.