Basically, when california love comes on the radio, I AM tupac.

For the love of Christ, when i die, my phone better self destruct. I can't have the sin that's contained in my phone discovered. ever.

Men are some sly pricks, forcing me to work out every day like G.I. Jane on the off chance that one of them will see me naked.

Eating McDonalds for dinner makes me feel like a waste of a social security number.

Something tells me that highway rest stop cleaning lady has made one or two poor life decisions.

It's been one of those days where I'm ready to clock out and go on a mortal kombat homicidal rampage. Other than that, i'm totally good.

If you aren't bold enough to ASK for what you want, don't be surprised when you don't get what you want.

Coffee flavored alcohol is the tits.

Back that azz up turns me into a dancing, ghetto, black woman instantly!

10 minute conversation with the wal-mart greeter was actually enjoyable. so obviously, my social life is thriving.

I hide a lot of crazy shit behind an innocent smile.

I get nervous now when i'm texting that i'm getting close to 140 characters.

I keep seeing all these PRO TIPS...honestly, if you wanna help me out, throw me some amateur or intermediate tips. Assholes.

walked in on my 7yo stashing kitchen knives in his socks and underwear.. in case ur looking for the next crocodile dundee or serial killer.

A nap is talkin' dirty to me

I'm shy, but I'm not shy. If that makes any sense.

Just ate a sandwich with 2 pieces of butt bread. Not one. Two. Sooo that was pretty awesome. :/

Nothing says i'm young, vibrant and fun like "Sorry, I can't go out this weekend, I want to put that $$ in my 8 month emergency funds" :/

somewhere there is a magical land filled with my pens, panties and unmatched socks. that's all i know.

drinking splenda sweetened coffee out of a styrofoam cup. i can taste the cancer.