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@twoptwips EVOKE the thrill of the Olympic Route on YOUR street by running past the neighbours' windows with a burning chip pan.
Don't miss this! Choked up laughing! RT@pokehq Best worst speech ever. http://j.mp/hSWAEX
@viztoptips TRY wearing gardening gloves when opening your wage slips to avoid pay cuts.
Cleggmeleon (n.) A small lizard able to change colour in order to adapt to its surroundings.
@pokehq #companyslogans L'Oreal - because you're worthless if you actually believe that Cheryl Cole would use a home hair-dye kit.
@viztoptips INSTED OF BURYING Bernard Matthews - icon of modern meat, can't we just vacuum pack him to preserve the memories.
An anagram of the entire alphabet you say? PHD TV quiz bags few lynx, Mr. Jock. @anagramtweets
Not already a member of a library? How about joining tomorrow. Ask about an area of interest and borrow a book. It's that simple, and free x
.@twoptwips FISH PEDICURE SALONS. Treat your customers to a special 007 themed hospitality event by using Piranhas.
.@grounded5am Seen in church toilet. Honestly is there anything that DOESN'T have a patron saint? http://t.co/0PmwOgO
Go Wolverhampton! @riotcleanupwolv the community unite in Queen Sq. http://t.co/DKHEkOl
Katie Price has at least 6 autobiogs. Seems wrong that 1/2 a shelf in a library is dedicated to her.
Fantastic! but not for the faint hearted! RT @pokehq: Ghost filmed in car commercial. Unbelievable! http://bit.ly/b2Hy6U
@viztoptips APPLE. Attach an angled mirror as standard on the next iPhone so that users can actually WATCH Xfactor whilst tweeting about it.
@viztoptips DID you know that teabags can be used as impromptu sand bags for mice in a flood situation?
WIN a free iPad by poking your eye with a blunt stick. To be collected in person only at an A&E department convenient to you. @twoptwips
Cyberspace socialite.
