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Phrase most often shouted by the homeless people on the street outside my apartment: "Aw HELL no!" I totally agree, homeless guys. Totally.
My theory is that people are generally stupid and self-absorbed. My therapist's theory is that my theory isn't helping.
Ladies and gentlemen, the mormon girl is officially drunk. The weapon of choice: Vodka Tonic. The verdict: Drunk Alina wants to make out.
Someone is sewing in my cooter. Not a euphemism.
Why must babies be so vocal when they cry? I cry silently. In the dark. Alone. During sex. Alone.
Congratulations on your unemployment, Alina. As your prize, we're going to let you click on any NSFW link you want, at ANY TIME OF THE DAY.
Startled my cat when I took my bra off this evening. I'm not offended though, I get that reaction a lot. The sonic boom doesn't help.
I made my bed and put in my contacts.
That's enough for today.
I'll swat away the flies tomorrow.
My magic apple mouse no longer scrolls down. Guess my finger's just too strong. Can't imagine how that happened.
I'm less socially awkward
than socially unwilling.
It doesn't matter which flavor of ramen I buy; they all taste like poverty.
Want to freak your cat out? Lean in real close and stare at his mouth and say "hi, cat lips!" over and over. They hate that.
I can smell again! I can smell ag...I need a shower! I need a shower!
My kitchen timer just scared my cat three feet into the air.
I'll be setting it a lot more often from now on.
Mind: Uh, no.
Mind: Excuse me?
Body: Who's got hands, buddy?
I bet that homeless pregnant girl would feel better about her situation if she knew how bad I was suffering because I forgot my moisturizer.
Her: "Do you think I have 'stupid' written on my forehead?"
Me: "Might help if you did."
It doesn't work for me to say "but I'm feeling fat, honey" because he's into that.
Hm. Apparently sitting for long periods is bad for you. Excuse me while stand up for a minute to eat this brownie.
The weird guy next to me on the bus has begun making very strange keening noises. Guess he's really enjoying the hand job.