I like my twitter friends better than my facebook friends. I think this is mainly because I actually know my facebook friends.

Oh I know my southern accent is just cute as all get out but the point was for you to listen to *what* I said not *how* I said it

No Officer, I wasn't texting while driving....oh, you're following me on twitter. Oh okay. Stupid proof.

Be nice. Don't yell at stupid people. Be nice. Don't yell at stupid people. Oh shit....this is gonna be hard

Woman in labor screams obscenities at her husband. He says, 'I don't wanna hear it. I wanted to put in your ass but Nooo, that would hurt'

140 characters seems like an awful lot today.

The only thing I'm really good at in life is fucking things up and sometimes I even screw that up and do something right.

Going to a wedding on Halloween...trying to resist the urge to go as a bride. Not sure it would go over well...

Ok. So I know I'm from TN, but I've never understood the phrase "I'm gonna kill you dead". How else do you kill someone?

These determined grad students are really making me look bad. I should work harder.............or kill them......

I am the funniest person you've ever met, assuming I'm the only person you've ever met.

Apparently spending the day doing everything except your paper will mean that at the end of the day, your paper is not done.

I'm nothing like a ninja. You can see me coming. And you're really happy about it.

The realization that you are the object of no one's affections is a wonderful feeling. Oh, said wonderful when I meant horribly sad. My bad.

Its a quarter after ten, and I already wanna go back home...but to be fair I never really wanted to leave home.

It's best not to ask about the methods to my madness.

Hey you! Yeah you, holding the freezer door open in kroger. Stop it. Not all of us want to die cold and alone.

Milk has done my body good, and by good I mean made me fat because who drinks milk without chocolate in it? Pshh.

Journey said that Any way you want it, that's the way you need it. I assume I'm the 'you'. The world should really work on makin that happen

Paws #oneletteroffmovies