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I can't stress this enough: do NOT get salad dressing all over your phone.
Today's picture, do me a favour and vote, kay?
@robfee always makes me laugh on Twitter. Then I read this and he almost made me cry. Well said sir, well said. http://thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee/2014/05/an-open-letter-to-all-men-concerning-yesallwomen/ …
Sometimes I tweet, then spend 10 minutes constantly refreshing my @ notifications to see if my life has value.
Just arrived in Montreal for Just for Laughs... There are tons of shows on, so naturally I am in my room watching TLC.
Dear 12 year olds: Stop trying to bum smokes off me. Just because I am ruining my life doesn't mean I want to ruin yours. You're TWELVE.
My dad says "the greatest thing I ever learned from my kids was how to give a real hug." Hold 'em tight guys.
If you are white and have dreads and don't sell weed...that is fucking false advertising man.
Seeing man in his 40's wear his baseball hat sideways just made me feel sad.
I tell the jokes and write the words and act the parts and cohost the radio show Ward and Al, SiriusXM channel 167 1pm-4pm EST, Mon-Fri.