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Toronto: a major city where you can accidentally step in horse poop downtown.
I can't stress this enough: do NOT get salad dressing all over your phone.
Today's picture, do me a favour and vote, kay?
@robfee always makes me laugh on Twitter. Then I read this and he almost made me cry. Well said sir, well said. http://thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee/2014/05/an-open-letter-to-all-men-concerning-yesallwomen/ …
Sometimes I tweet, then spend 10 minutes constantly refreshing my @ notifications to see if my life has value.
Just arrived in Montreal for Just for Laughs... There are tons of shows on, so naturally I am in my room watching TLC.
Dear 12 year olds: Stop trying to bum smokes off me. Just because I am ruining my life doesn't mean I want to ruin yours. You're TWELVE.
My dad says "the greatest thing I ever learned from my kids was how to give a real hug." Hold 'em tight guys.
If you are white and have dreads and don't sell weed...that is fucking false advertising man.
I tell the jokes and write the words and act the parts and cohost the radio show Ward and Al, SiriusXM channel 167 1pm-4pm EST, Mon-Fri.