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Sometimes I tweet, then spend 10 minutes constantly refreshing my @ notifications to see if my life has value.
My dad says "the greatest thing I ever learned from my kids was how to give a real hug." Hold 'em tight guys.
If you are white and have dreads and don't sell weed...that is fucking false advertising man.
Baggage fees can suck my dick.
They made me weigh my bag to get on a TRAIN. Who are you kidding, train? I'll bring as much crap on this train as I want.
My upstairs neighbour is listening to very loud Gregorian chanting...am I allowed to punch her next time I see her?
I tell the jokes and write the words and act the parts and cohost the radio show Ward and Al, SiriusXM channel 167 1pm-4pm EST, Mon-Fri.