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"7:30a Minnetonka Report of suspicious possibly drunk guy... He was a jogger who stopped for a drink of water... Not drunk."
Sorry lil teenage bitches walking three-wide down the sidewalk but this 33-year-old bitch is going to break your shit up. #recognize
What could America be capable of if it spent less time looking for a closer parking spot?
I run 5ks mostly just to stock up on safety pins.
Let a woman be a woman and a man be a goat man.
All these years, and I still derive the same amount of pleasure from reporting spam.
If I were ever showing bunt, you would tell me, right?
Wish I had a taco.
Lot of vehicles sporting high top fades out there.
I'd like to thank Minnesota sports for being there to disappoint my parents more than I ever will.
I'm gonna need a cigarette after this, I can tell.
Yes, I had a dream Terminator 2 was a romantic comedy and I was the love interest. Oh, the laughs T-1000 and I shared...
Everyone has their own definition of "hero," but I just replaced the toilet paper roll at a party so...
I got 99 problems and allergies are all of 'em.
Hand job skills translate surprisingly well to corn de-silking.
Does anyone know if Benjamin Moore is hiring? I just described a paint color as "dusty eucalyptus."
Law, music, journalism, food, casual sports. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. In real life I'm an attorney, here I'm just me.