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  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    If zombies ever do attack, I'll just skip coffee that morning. They'll leave me alone because they'll think I'm one of them.

    • 552
    • FAVS
    PhoenixRises69robgar21YourPalMiloRileyAraujoGinGanderJohnDuffy21MumbaichaTaporiLaddy42__________
    • 316
    • RETWEETS
    YourPalMiloChicorelliStarGinGandermindless_retardMumbaichaTaporiMythicPicnic_davidlucas_DitchedYaHuh__
    MarmaLADede5ignShazzaLM
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    The KKK was protesting against those Westboro fuckers. When the fucking KKK acts as the voice of reason, something is very, very wrong.

    • 424
    • FAVS
    iWasabiLeahGoRound______DDDdarAllymuebill_tampablanco_basuratraceydunsheaRainie_James
    • 334
    • RETWEETS
    X_pepper_XHempHustlerseralynsmommybill_tampaRainie_JamesRed_RightHandTiffmmmm04________TheDailySchmuck
    warhorse76
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

    • 416
    • FAVS
    PhoenixRises69YourPalMiloHeronSaysveggiefemmeJohnDuffy21MumbaichaTaporiLaddy42__________rtyertyeryrtyry__
    • 233
    • RETWEETS
    YourPalMiloHeronSaysMumbaichaTaporiLaddy42___________davidlucas_AmazonKittyBear__zanitawwwMandyruth01
    Maxine12333MizBlueBallsParadox_1966______
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    The good thing about Twitter is that it cured my Facebook addiction. And by cured I mean Twitter took over my life.

    • 392
    • FAVS
    PhoenixRises69YourPalMiloswollenvoiceGunjuzoneaquarian_15FEBnmweberTheDailySchmuckveggiefemme
    • 170
    • RETWEETS
    elpablo77nmweberTheDailySchmuckPreethiJRia______MumbaichaTaporiAmazonKittyBear__sassy_lassy87Douchekevin
    Night_ER_Ninja
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    My life is a never-ending cycle of "what the fuck just happened?"

    • 330
    • FAVS
    PhoenixRises69veggiefemmeJohnDuffy21_btacMumbaichaTaporiLS_FaderHajiHatejesshiejess
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
    heathermarieee1Nerdy_StutterEkRegularDenapoisnousSonaMumbaichaTaporiGdayMateee1hawkfan1968HajiHate
    martianhaiku______lil_dead_girl_
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    I have an army of decapitated gummy bears on my desk. When someone asks me a stupid question, I bite the head off another & stare at them.

    • 342
    • FAVS
    PhoenixRises69swollenvoicesweetbelle76______SarcasmicfiendtheevilwriterTheDailySchmuckveggiefemmeJohnDuffy21
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    M8EventsLtdRainie_JamesTheDailySchmuck_davidlucas_AlyssaMae21PRM_QNjnrbtsnlanerbanana
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Told my FB friends I was breaking up with FB for Twitter. An actual reply: "Twitter's a slut. You're gonna get the clap."

    • 266
    • FAVS
    PhoenixRises69swollenvoiceLauraAMcCleangoldpolisherbeliebers_ffWebDiva423_mSAWBeach__Wisdom
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    goldpolisherWebDiva423Rainie_JamesMoon_LitCrystalMooseRTpeppahluvxoxobasson_hesterTheDailySchmuck
    hidingfromme
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Someone is trying to tell me they don't drink coffee. They're not fooling me...everyone knows you need coffee to live.

    • 247
    • FAVS
    PhoenixRises69YourPalMiloHeronSaysveggiefemmelynnyordeechobunny9203BurbidgeJamesgeekycooker
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    Hypercraxygeekycooker_davidlucas_christayrimShaistaJustinMaxine12333thugaliciousmomtaunti
    Crappy_AdviceSusanandTrixie
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Women don't even understand women. I don't know how the fuck we expect men to figure us out...

    • 226
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21Laddy42__________rtyertyeryrtyry__martinized_davidlucas_Marlebeansassy_lassy87Timavai92
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    _davidlucas_sassy_lassy87HumanistJamesAshlieNicole738just_Lean3sillynaaahaleynicole1129tdelmonaco
    maybestef________
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Drunk coworker: Have you ever heard of Twitter? I just signed up!

    Me: No, that doesn't sound like something I would like.

    • 238
    • FAVS
    veggiefemmeJohnDuffy21Laddy42__________Semipsychedelicrtyertyeryrtyry___davidlucas_ForEllieSylviamminpgh
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    BruisedPeaches_____davidlucas_survivingmurderGensPlaceMsKennedy69______JUSTLisandrahaleynicole1129_correctomundo
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Some mistakes are totally worth repeating.

    • 168
    • FAVS
    swollenvoiceMoon_LitCrystalSasquatch70genarlmtnmweberrumandrocksMooseRTBeach__Wisdom
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    Rainie_JamesMoon_LitCrystalgenarlmtBeach__WisdomTheDailySchmuckHeronSayschelleariShock_Monster
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. Do you have any idea how much strength it takes to be kind to you?

    • 171
    • FAVS
    veggiefemmeJohnDuffy21Laddy42__________rtyertyeryrtyry___davidlucas_ERmumCampOtherDebra_M
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    hounds25jordieLaddy42__________val_abellERmumStaciCenis999catwomanWheezyLBabyyNight_ER_Ninja
    ChiefTwittler
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    My mom just called to question me about something I posted on FB. If she finds Twitter, I will kill myself.

    • 189
    • FAVS
    veggiefemmeJohnDuffy21Laddy42___________davidlucas_rtyertyeryrtyry__OMGShenanigansThe_Dorkstersassy_lassy87
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    sassy_lassy87dellen01KbeforePJose_SankyMsRedWritingMissDawnStoreyGensPlaceTampaBayMomma
    Night_ER_Ninja
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    A lady in front of me at the store yelled at the cashier because her candy rang up 2 for $1.50...she insisted they were 99 cents each.

    • 172
    • FAVS
    swollenvoiceDarrinTBradleyygprydAllymueJuiceInDCSubliminalMessMoon_LitCrystalrmecheeya
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    Moon_LitCrystalMooseRTTheDailySchmuckaprildawn78OmarKhyamiamaaronupShock_MonsterLaddy42__________
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Bitch about wanting to kill people on FB, people message you to see if you're okay. Do it on Twitter, you get 25 stars & a ton of RTs.

    • 160
    • FAVS
    veggiefemmeJohnDuffy21Laddy42___________davidlucas_rtyertyeryrtyry__The_Dorkstersassy_lassy87cynicalnihilism
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    sassy_lassy87cynicalnihilismcalashnicLaceyDearieFredieCFCGensPlacelalastrailerBonaFideIntent
    YesitsAl
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    When I meet someone & they say "I think I know you from somewhere" all I can think is "please don't say Twitter, anywhere but Twitter".

    • 139
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21Laddy42___________davidlucas_rtyertyeryrtyry__edibleEricamadmaxrerisensassy_lassy87GensPlace
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    ForEllieSylviaGensPlacesassy_lassy87MrsFnBobjulie413413CaptainObtuseSparkles_OnNeedsHead24
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    A friend in a long distance relationship told me "you're so lucky you're married & can have sex all the time." I'm still laughing.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    gristle_kissesLaddy42__________Maxine12333Book_Krazyksav333UK_davidlucas_rtyertyeryrtyry__walsh_drake______
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    JGsbubblegirl75ksav333UK_davidlucas_ScrambledMceggsnightst4lkersassy_lassy87Mattman34TampaBayMomma
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    Judging by the look he just gave me, my husband is not familiar with the Chocolate Amendment to the 5-second rule.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    Laddy42___________davidlucas_rtyertyeryrtyry__The_DorksterStealingRideskelkulussassy_lassy87GensPlace
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    _davidlucas_GensPlacesassy_lassy87nataliaelshidingfrommeLakeoconeebldrkevnastomartianhaiku______
    warhorse76
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    What's that, Jesus? Your followers are supposed to love everyone? Even gays? It's in the Bible?! You must be so disappointed...

    • 111
    • FAVS
    swollenvoicepomadepablobeliebers_ffWebDiva423livinsimplee_mSAWPkakoozakmjordan3
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    WebDiva423livinsimpleeseralynsmommyAkoniaAkhonaRainie_JamesMoon_LitCrystalfavstar1000favsTheDailySchmuck
  • alucardsdream
      Jenn @alucardsdream

    My phone needs a "do laundry" app...as of now I'll be going to work tomorrow in ripped jeans and a NIN shirt from 1994.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    Laddy42__________rtyertyeryrtyry__AmazonKittyBear__GensPlaceThe_DorksterMattman3477StephanieG77Skullcat
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    Laddy42__________favstar1000favsayeisha25savoirfailTheDailySchmuckNON3_bass_SirPrincessVince_Palumbo
    Night_ER_Ninja
@alucardsdream

@alucardsdream
Pro

Lawyer with an attitude. Caffeine addict. Sarcastic, cynical, slightly idealistic. My dad's a fireman so I know all the best curse words.