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guy in front of me at Starbucks ordered a Tall Blonde and I whispered creepily in his ear "short blondes are better." my work here is done
if I was good and fast at sewing I would open up a shop called Tailor Swift
tweeting about watching porn is tricky because my aunt follows me and tells my mom that I'm vulgar. HI AUNT MARY.
whenever someone asks me how I like my job I say "it has it's ups & downs." and then I laugh and laugh and laugh
when ordering coffee from me, when you say "black coffee" that means plain coffee. do not say dumb shit like "black coffee 4 cream 2 sugar"
I know I made it to Iowa because they are selling John Deere lingerie at the airport.
what do u call a Mountain Dew after u drink it? Mountain Done. for more hilarious jokes follow me on world wide web dot twitter dot com
if you don't tweet about your flight being delayed is it really delayed
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, MOTHERFUCKERS! (see what I did there?)
an ampersand is an & sign, ya dummy!
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