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I like to freeze leftovers for a month or two before throwing them away.
My timeline is filled with people saying, “Goodnight!” and then tweeting for another hour.
You’ve heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? Well, I inadvertently had two today. Starting to feel very important.
Saw a pink Hummer for the first time. The windows were tinted, so I couldn’t tell if Barbie or Ken was driving.
A friend is taking me out to lunch to “discuss something.” I hope she doesn’t want one of my kidneys.
There’s nothing like unloading most of the dishwasher and then realizing the dishes are still dirty.
My 8yo made pancakes for me. I just had to get out the ingredients, pour oil in the pan, flip the pancakes, and heat up the syrup.
Saw a billboard advertising Quaker Steak & Lube, which sounds like a really bad oatmeal flavor.
A friend who is nine months pregnant came over last night. I made her sit on a tarp.
Had the “Georgia O’Keeffe Flower Paintings” talk with my kid.
Me: "Take a rice cake with you. They don't go bad." My son: "They don't go good either."
Made it to the Post Office two minutes before they closed. This must be how my kids feel when they beat a level in a video game.
I have to eat six about-to-expire yogurts today. Talk about culture shock.
I wonder if pandas think we're cute, too.
My biggest fantasy involves him apologizing to me.
I can’t wait for Talk Like a Valley Girl Day, fer sure, fer sure! That’ll be grody to the max.
An inspirational tweets account unfollowed me after a few hours. Guess they could tell I already have my act together.
My family wants to eat dinner again tonight. This is getting ridiculous.
Saw a car with a wreath and candy cane on its grille. Now I feel bad. I usually just give my car a fresh tank of gas for Christmas.
I have happiness management issues.
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