I washed and put away the flannel sheets. If experience tells me anything, that means it will snow tonight.

My timeline is filled with people saying, “Goodnight!” and then tweeting for another hour.

I like to freeze leftovers for a month or two before throwing them away.

You’ve heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? Well, I inadvertently had two today. Starting to feel very important.

Saw a pink Hummer for the first time. The windows were tinted, so I couldn’t tell if Barbie or Ken was driving.

There’s nothing like unloading most of the dishwasher and then realizing the dishes are still dirty.

Saw a billboard advertising Quaker Steak & Lube, which sounds like a really bad oatmeal flavor.

I can’t wait for Talk Like a Valley Girl Day, fer sure, fer sure! That’ll be grody to the max.

My 8yo made pancakes for me. I just had to get out the ingredients, pour oil in the pan, flip the pancakes, and heat up the syrup.

A friend is taking me out to lunch to “discuss something.” I hope she doesn’t want one of my kidneys.

Made it to the Post Office two minutes before they closed. This must be how my kids feel when they beat a level in a video game.

Me: "Take a rice cake with you. They don't go bad." My son: "They don't go good either."

I have to eat six about-to-expire yogurts today. Talk about culture shock.

Found a pedometer I bought two months ago. So that’s a step in the right direction.

I went to a water park yesterday. I’m still wearing the hot pink wristband, pretending it’s from an exclusive, invitation-only party.

Saw a car with a wreath and candy cane on its grille. Now I feel bad. I usually just give my car a fresh tank of gas for Christmas.

This new box of “designer” Kleenex makes the rest of my living room look like crap.

I was surprised when 3 teenagers rang the bell and asked to see their dad. Luckily they belonged to the contractor. Hubby lives another day.

I bought cocoa bark mulch. It smells too good to use outside, so I’m spreading it on the carpet.

Me (in tight jeans): “Ugh. My butt looks big.” My kid: “Your legs look skinny.” He’s on target to be somebody’s Husband of the Year 2030.