Herman Cain is the Bill Clinton of Al Sharptons.

Mutilate your face for me so I know that it's Seal

What happenned at Penn State made Neverland Ranch look like a petting zoo, which, in a weird sense, is what Neverland Ranch was.

"I came, I saw, I convulsed." -Julius Seizure

It doesn't matter how much talent you have, if you don't combine it with a strong work ethic you will never reach your full potential.

Adam Sandler tacitly reaching into a bag of Frito's™ in 'Big Daddy' on loop for an hour & a half is my ethical solution to assisted suicide.

According to the commercial with Kelly Clarkson and Andrew Zimmern, the new Toyota Camry has a 10 ton payload capacity.

"Foiled again." -poor people's antennas

I like my coffee like I like my fat people...I don't like fat people.

Good luck on all your endeavors man. @ia7xjoeyi pic.twitter.com/0wlOIFb5

@cinderelliee @ia7xjoeyi what do u care to talk about? Your childhood? Show me exactly where he touched you @cristinag0 @stylesc2 @eptxchamp

Hope this means my son is tolerant of other races. pic.twitter.com/dwhRiUhy

Are we all going to sit idly by and pretend Kevin Bacon and Sarah Jessica Parker aren't proof that livestock are evolving at alarming rates?

It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes. That's why I carry my flashlight with me at all times. http://t.co/JJvQw1KC

@andante1010 @karlita_cortez u made me* this way!!! @cristinag0 @brandizzle831 @sly_dawwg @stylesc2

@karlita_cortez im drunk dont blame me. U made this way!!! Thanks karla! :)@cristinag0 @brandizzle831 @sly_dawwg @stylesc2

Left the milk out overnight and now I have a small Catholic church on my kitchen counter and no excuse to miss mass tomorrow. #parishable

@cristinag0 @ia7xjoeyi Chiles? Man i'm not trying to pick up hot bitches, I just want to eat. @stylesc2 @eptxchamp @cinderelliee

"@robfee: #TwerkRules If it’s your first night at Twerk Club, you have to twerk." @brandizzle831 @cristinag0

@eptxchamp you're a monster @ia7xjoeyi @cinderelliee @cristinag0 @stylesc2