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I feel like Canada has out produced America by creating more funny, hot girls who drink a lot, this is bullshit, I'm moving north,
people who die from anorexia impress me, do u have any idea how hard it is to starve yourself to death, that's a shit fuck ton of will power
I know i'm sexy as shit...if not, why would life be fucking me all the time?
Any girl out their who wants to date me...i can promise you one thing...you will die skinny because i cannot afford to feed you.
Vaginas are Aphrodisiacs...you should eat them before sex,
Fergie is pregnant.
In other news someone had sex with Fergie.
In other news Fergie is a women.
New studies show that alcohol and coffee are making me awesome
Anal...a shitty way to avoid pregnancy.
What does a squirrel and a transvestite have in common, unfortunately, i found out, they are both really good at hiding their nuts from you
Bigfoot, stop being such a dick and hold still for a picture
Why is barrista a word...fuck you, make my coffee coffee maker
DM's have a limit? Twitter...why are you trying to limit my creepiness?
Whoever invented twitter was a genius, he realized we are all emotionally children and just want stars from teacher, someone validate me
I need a little foreplay before I get fucked this hard...me at the gas pump
When I told my father I wanted to be a professional mime he said "Never, ever speak to me again."
I can't believe how supportive he is.
Fuck this...I'm moving to Canada,
I wonder if animals look down on Kangaroos & other marsupials like we look down on ppl who wear fanny packs.
If women could parallel park, the world would be a very different place...men would have less parking spots.
"i've been sticking to my new diet, alcohol at night and coffee in the morning, you're going to be skinny as fuck" me to me
Prison guard. I tell jokes exclusively at open mics. Open mic tour, forever. http://t.co/paTzWhNbeO
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