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Tomorrow TfL unveil their new Olympics preparation posters, consisting simply of the word 'FLEE' against a backdrop of skulls.
"I love the smell of librarian in the morning". #replaceawordwithlibrarian
Private Eye is out today! Buy it now, or get the catch-up service by watching Channel 4 News three weeks from now!
Movie Idea: "Teen Woolf". Michael J Fox plays the young Virginia Woolf in this poignant depiction of love and loss. Also, she's a werewolf.
Top tip: next time you're thinking of saying "Haters gonna hate", instead say "Detractors gonna detract". You'll feel amazing.
BREAKING: sources at News UK say the Sun will be replacing Page 3 with page Pi, featuring a series of hard circle-based sums.
"I'm here, everyone! Did somebody call for SOUPY MAN???"
"Um, sorry, no, we asked for...Superman"
*He drops his ladle*
"Every bloody time."
Take Musical Chairs. Remove all chairs but one. Kill 90% of the players. You now have Game of Thrones.
Twerking began/ In nineteen ninety-three/ (which was rather soon for me)/ - Between the end of George Bush I/ And the Wu-Tang's first LP.
QI Elf, Private Eye journalist, panellist on No Such Thing As A Fish - The QI Podcast, and performer in @AustenImpro and @folieimpro. All views nonsense.
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