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Tomorrow TfL unveil their new Olympics preparation posters, consisting simply of the word 'FLEE' against a backdrop of skulls.
"I love the smell of librarian in the morning". #replaceawordwithlibrarian
Private Eye is out today! Buy it now, or get the catch-up service by watching Channel 4 News three weeks from now!
Twerking began/ In nineteen ninety-three/ (which was rather soon for me)/ - Between the end of George Bush I/ And the Wu-Tang's first LP.
The Suffragettes only had one natural enemy, of course, which was the Suffrasharks.
For sale: John Lennon's widow. £40 ONO.
'If you do use the Underground over the next month, we'll know about it. And we'll go apeshit. For Christ's sake, just stay at home.' #tfl
Three Wes Andersons walk into a bar. The barman says something wry. The barman is also Bill Murray.
'Onomatopoeia', of course, sounds exactly like someone trying to say 'onomatopoeia'.
Just saw my first G4S-replacement soldier. He was wearing both camouflage gear and a hi-vis jacket. #mixedmessages
GUYS. The word 'leetle' is in the dictionary. It means 'little'. This is amazing. I'm never going to use the word 'little' again.
Does anyone know someone I could form a bond of mutual affection and regard with, please? Asking for a friend.
Just got a pint glass and piece of card and very tentatively approached a spider which turned out to be a piece of fluff. Time to hoover.
I just wrote an Olympics episode of Scooby Doo. Ends with the line, "I would have got away with it if it weren't for you medalling kids."
QI: The word ‘occupy’ was barely used in formal language for 200 years because back then the word had a v sexual connotation. #occupylondon
The real test of her premiership, of course, will be whether she is honoured with a talking dog which sells car insurance.
QI researcher, journalist at Private Eye, and 1/6 of Austentatious, AKA @AustenImpro. All views nonsense.