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For his first proper statement since Thursday's referendum, his newspaper column, Boris Johnson - public servant - is being paid £5,000.
There is a real risk I will use my entire month's phone data on looking at tweeted pictures of shadow cabinet resignation letters.
Nick Clegg has very deftly dealt with the leadership threat to him by ensuring there are NO OTHER LIB DEM MPS.
Absolutely wonderful news that we've 'taken back control', of a plane which is now on fire and in a tailspin. Tremendous.
We could avoid all this unpleasantness if only Attenborough would do the decent thing and change his name by deed poll to Boaty McBoatyFace.
Tomorrow TfL unveil their new Olympics preparation posters, consisting simply of the word 'FLEE' against a backdrop of skulls.
Next election, I'll run for the 'Let's chop our own legs off and then negotiate some better legs' party. Based on tonight, I'd do quite well
1. Email self
2. Get pathetically excited when I see a little (1) in inbox
3. Find email is from me
4. Repeat tomorrow
Ah, April 1st. Literally the most dangerous morning of the year for a QI researcher. Have already favourited 6 tweets then said 'Hang ON.'
"You going to see Magic Mike XXL?" "Are you kidding? I haven't even seen the first 29 Magic Mike films yet."
QI Elf, Private Eye journalist, co-host of NSTAAF (@QIPodcast) and NSTATN and performer in @AustenImpro. Debuting in Edinburgh this year. Say hello, won't you?
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