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On the plus side, Michael Gove can now apply to be the Poetic Justice Secretary.
*History lesson in 5000AD*
-Children, what can you tell me of 'Earth'?
*tentacle goes up*
- Miss, the planet that died of news?
For his first proper statement since Thursday's referendum, his newspaper column, Boris Johnson - public servant - is being paid £5,000.
There is a real risk I will use my entire month's phone data on looking at tweeted pictures of shadow cabinet resignation letters.
Nick Clegg has very deftly dealt with the leadership threat to him by ensuring there are NO OTHER LIB DEM MPS.
Think David Cameron's just resigned from the Shadow Cabinet.
Absolutely wonderful news that we've 'taken back control', of a plane which is now on fire and in a tailspin. Tremendous.
We could avoid all this unpleasantness if only Attenborough would do the decent thing and change his name by deed poll to Boaty McBoatyFace.
I have just got the Tube into the Private Eye office. All the ideas for gags I had, while on the Tube, are already out of date.
Tomorrow TfL unveil their new Olympics preparation posters, consisting simply of the word 'FLEE' against a backdrop of skulls.
Spare a thought for Boris Johnson, who is used normally to dishing out sudden, unprincipled betrayal and for whom this will be a new feeling
Next election, I'll run for the 'Let's chop our own legs off and then negotiate some better legs' party. Based on tonight, I'd do quite well
It is, almost, as is there is literally no unity whatsoever among people who campaigned for Leave and they were all in it for themselves.
QI Elf, Private Eye journalist, co-host of NSTAAF (@QIPodcast) and NSTATN and performer in @AustenImpro. Debuting in Edinburgh this year. Say hello, won't you?
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