Could you imagine how happy @jack would be if the Golden Gate bridge took @square for toll payments?

Oakland, in a nutshell pic.twitter.com/jN4LiWP7

May the Fourth be with you @ Twitter HQ. cc: @wilw http://t.co/vkmnDfZ2

CrossFit is the Scientology of exercise

Damn, my updated Facebook feed is nothing but @nickbilton posts, wtf.

See if you can catch the dick in my vine. #vineroulette  http://vine.co/v/bnviPn3jeux 

People at Twitter didn't stay past 6pm because Peter Thiel kept tossing grenades. We went through so many cleaning ladies

@robdelaney Our twitter team is coming and have a drinking game. A shot every time you say "full 70's bush"

Homeless guy on BART: "if you give me enough money tonight, I promise I'll buy enough heroin you won't have to worry about me tomorrow"

@randizuckerberg You should only post your pics using the Poke app from now on

@jack whatever we have MC Hammer

@gselevator You are why Twitter is beautiful.

@rupertmurdoch Check his voicemail and let us know

Don't be embarrassed, it happens to lots of cranes pic.twitter.com/kmUtdytp

Engineer:"Tell me what the problem is, don't suggest a solution." The same engineer: "maybe we could use QR codes"

@sacca Whatever, I tell people all the time I know @sacca and nobody says anything http://t.co/Ejih5QE8

Google buys Meebo, Larry Page says "this is the quickest way for us to turn into Yahoo, I'm very proud of this acquisition"

.@elonmusk is clearly that guy from Star Trek Voyager who went back in time with future technology.

It's amazing how you never forget where you were during shocking events, like the first time you saw a photo of Terry Gross.

Easter on Sunday? Rabbit meatballs for lunch on Wednesday at Twitter HQ. Coincidence? #no