I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead tomorrow.

Bras are so expensive like I didn't choose the boob life, the boob life chose me

How am I supposed to make life choices if I still count using my fingers?

Dogs > Cats

"@bcloritts: Cohabitation (shackin up) is on the rise largely b/c our boys aren't becoming men. Boys play house, men make homes." Amen

That's a lesson I wish I didn't learn the hard way. #EricChurch

Person: What state do you live in? Me: denial.

"Be strong, baby" I whispered to my wifi signal.

He is good, so good, he treats your little girl like a real man should

Cause I'm not easy to understand, but you know me like the back of your hand. I'm your girl & you're my man, & we're makin plans.

Sometimes at night, when I'm laying in my bed, I push the sides of my pillow up to my face and pretend I'm a taco

I'm currently laying on my bathroom floor making life decisions.

Now that I've spent some time on the bathroom floor i've realized the bottom of the toilet needs to be scrubbed. I'll be back.

Yeah she's good when she's bad, she's cute when she's mad and she does all the wrong things right

I don't have boyfriend because I'm too perfect for anyone. That, and I'm really awkward. Lay off my case mom.

If you don't have a job, mommy & daddy pay for your EVERYTHING, you really need to quit bitchin about life. Suck it up butter cup.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. - George Carlin

"@commoncat69: bitches love cats #meow" I'm a bitch. And I hate cats. #boom

Kiss my country ass!

Well at least the bears still suck, the Vikings still don't have a trophy, and I will always back my Packers #GoPackGo #packers