Why cant I vote online? Mountain Dew can figure it out why can't the Government

Im almost angry enough to exercise

Burger King Is great if you love spending hours on the toilet shooting fire out your butt

When Kurt Cobain Killed himself He wasnt thinking of how it would negatively affect the world & by that I mean the foo fighters

little known fact Supermans piss smells just awful

Justine Bieber is the most Googled person because his name is hard to spell

#RIPSteveC How did your producer die? That's terrible I'm sorry. #nowthatshowyouexecutiveproduce

Youre a FOODY? I think it's pronounce Fatty

I shouldn't have to Google your tweet to find out who you Stole it from & gave no credit to Piece of shit Mencia grade Twitter cunts

If you work around kids then your main job is to try not to get sick

Is it illegal to say Zero Dark Thirty was just ok? also kinda boring

Halt! Scum criminals! You are Farting in the face of justice I will punch you a lot with my man fist, bat fist, batman hand uh I AM BATMAN!

RT @canadiansteve
@big_az_rich @big_az_rich @big_az_rich @big_az_rich @big_az_rich @big_az_rich @big_az_rich @big_az_rich @big_az_rich

Hey Balding fat faced neo-nazis When Hitler was talking of a superior race I dont think Your dumb dumpy ass would have made the cut #die

Just once I'd like to see a door open on Storage Wars & it to be filled with blood

Interesting fact most people don't know: One in every 100 poops you lay an egg. Inside that egg...a Diamond

I'm sitting alone making puppets, next stop the elementary school followed by jail.

You Go Jogger lady run down the street in a white hat no reason to listen to the news just blast Titanium in your ipod & jog away #watertown

I bet Dinosaurs built the pyramids and the egyptians just found em and carved shit in the walls

From the makers of eating French Fries in the shower