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Why cant I vote online? Mountain Dew can figure it out why can't the Government
Im almost angry enough to exercise
Burger King Is great if you love spending hours on the toilet shooting fire out your butt
When Kurt Cobain Killed himself He wasnt thinking of how it would negatively affect the world & by that I mean the foo fighters
little known fact Supermans piss smells just awful
Justine Bieber is the most Googled person because his name is hard to spell
#RIPSteveC How did your producer die? That's terrible I'm sorry. #nowthatshowyouexecutiveproduce
Youre a FOODY? I think it's pronounce Fatty
I shouldn't have to Google your tweet to find out who you Stole it from & gave no credit to Piece of shit Mencia grade Twitter cunts
If you work around kids then your main job is to try not to get sick
Is it illegal to say Zero Dark Thirty was just ok? also kinda boring
Halt! Scum criminals! You are Farting in the face of justice I will punch you a lot with my man fist, bat fist, batman hand uh I AM BATMAN!
Hey Balding fat faced neo-nazis When Hitler was talking of a superior race I dont think Your dumb dumpy ass would have made the cut #die
Just once I'd like to see a door open on Storage Wars & it to be filled with blood
Interesting fact most people don't know: One in every 100 poops you lay an egg. Inside that egg...a Diamond
I'm sitting alone making puppets, next stop the elementary school followed by jail.
I bet Dinosaurs built the pyramids and the egyptians just found em and carved shit in the walls
From the makers of eating French Fries in the shower
I am a fat loser who is getting older at an increasing rate. I hope I get my life together, but I'm usually distracted by vomit porn and hurtle turtle.