@angryoldcoot's (Angry Old Coot) recently faved Tweets...
You know it's time to shave when you're watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy stops mid-scene to say, "Zoiks! Like, grow a real beard, man!"
14
I'm going to go buy an Audi, because nothing sells me on a car like associating it with an oppressive dystopian future.
7
Poooooop on you. Poop poop. Poop poop. I reaaaaly gotta go. #TheWhoAreOldAndPerhapsIncontinentWhichIsFunny?
4
I didn't think it was possible for me to hate auto-tune more. Oh, Bud Light, is there nothing you can't do? Oh. Right. Be drinkable.
9
This dog food commercial just claimed its product produced "optimal stool quality." I dare the Activa people to say that.
13
Based on what I've seen, everyone working on the Puppy Bowl has a moment in their past where someone sure *looked* 18.
7
It's Valentine's Day baby! Guess who's your present? *wink* Try again. *sigh* Come on, I'm wearing a bow on myNO I DON'T HAVE A GIFT RECEIPT
@Spooky_Johnson @ashamedtosay Also, how embarrassing would it be if she gave out a blue star for pooping. IT'S ABOUT BEING APPROPRIATE!
4
@ruthakers Great burgers have a fried egg, bacon, and cheese. Perfect breakfast. And no weight gain due to the near immediate heart attack.
5
@DoogieHowser_MD Holy shit, dude! Antiques Roadshow is on?!?? CHANNEL!?!! *cough* I mean...um....... lame?
3
I just snorted a bunch of Cheeto dust and there were no side effects except this insatiable need to find a rhyme for orange.
11
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar