@angryoldcoot's (Angry Old Coot) recently faved Tweets...
Good thing the people who made up St. Patrick's Day traditions didn't get their hands on Black History Month.
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Look what I made for you. It's a crane! Well, okay, I didn't make it. I bought it. They threw in the wrecking ball. Sorry about your house.
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When threatening to kick a penguin's ass, make sure they're not out of their cage. Or armed. Or a nun.
"That comment's going to get her assassinated tomorrow." "Is tomorrow in 2 minutes?" "The way this meeting is going? Yes."
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I've been trying to nap all afternoon, but it's always "Daddy, I'm bored." "Daddy, turn on the radio." "Daddy, look out for that tree!"
"What color hair do you have Daddy?" [Pause] [Looks] "Oh yeah. Brown." Great. My daughter is a guy.
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"Daddy! At school yesterday I spelled 'science' all by myself. Wanna hear me spell it? S - I - N - S!"
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The way my daughter's dressed I'm getting Father of the Year. They have a sub-category for pimps, right?
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Yes, the glue gun was on. Yes, it was an accident. No, I don't think it's funny to call them hot crossed buns.
No one makes me laugh more than my gorgeous wife, @ashamedtosay. The scary thing: she's funnier IRL. #ff
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Employees engaging in unprofessional acts will be disciplined, unless it's Joy doing that ping pong ball trick. #cruellyspecificofficeposter
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The cameras in the stairwell are there for your safety and recording Bill and Edie's sexcapades. #cruellyspecificofficeposter
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