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JOB TIP: You can tell your boss to go fuck himself today as long as you follow it up with April Fools.
Kiss me I'm Jewish and highly anxious.
Uptown Funk is growing on me oh god do you think I'm contagious?
'I have to walk to the OTHER side of the mall?!' - me, 5 minutes ago
'It's My Party and I'll look at my phone all night if I want to.'
'He robbed a Jared.' :/
Ten bucks Cupid is totally a virgin.
Looking forward to a 'Tiny Hamsters' 50 Shades of Grey adaptation.
Tinder, but for picking your parents.
For those wondering where I went, I didn't die, I just had a baby! Although, if sleep deprivation can kill you I might die from that. ;)
No one seems thrilled about the small pox I brought to the Thanksgiving pot luck.
I want to do a traditional Thanksgiving but no one in my family wants to rape and pillage with me.
All the sexy ebola costumes are taken. :(
I miss sour patch kid Renee Zellweger.
George Zimmerman threatened another man's life today but the guy was white so at least we know he's open to killing people of all races now.
It's sad that the NFL has actually been harder on Ray Rice than the police.
I would be way more embarrassed if photos leaked of me doing something like hate-eating oreos or binge-watching the Kardashians.
My passwords are stronger than I am.
An acid bucket challenge would be much more entertaining.
Not ready to define our relationship yet. TIME Magazine's Best Twitter Feeds. Instagram: anjeanettec
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