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I'm an Austen in the streets, a Brontë in the sheets. (JK, like most lovers of 19th century lit I don't leave the house or have sex)
FYI people writing articles on Millennials- We all knew trophies we got just for showing up were bullshit. We weren't the ones buying them.
I spilled microwave burrito filling on my dress and let my dog lick it off. 30/F/Los Angeles. DTF.
You haven't truly hit rock bottom until you've said to yourself "maybe *I* should do a podcast."
I bet a lot of well behaved women did make history but then a dude wrote the history book and was like whoops, forgotsies.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40yrs and still can't conjugate verbs.
Every corporate April Fools prank required 4 project meetings, a budget, 45+ emails, & testing which, to be fair, is actually pretty funny.
"Maybe I should wear lipstick" - me to myself, upon seeing my dog's gross pink erection this morning.
Need help shoving my kid back into the safety of my uterus.
Life is temporary. Try to spend as much of it as you can on the internet talking to people you'd avoid eye contact with in public.
Uh oh, I read internet comments on a news story and now I have to push a Q-tip into my belly button until I have an aneurysm :(
Flaunting your post-baby body? Big whoop. News alert: everyone's body used to be a baby.
Screenwriting books are trash. The only REAL rule is to always write a secretary character who says "hey, wait, you can't just go in there!"
Recently bought The Hunger Games and an Adele CD. What've you guys been up to? I want to know what I'll be into in two years.
Deactivating your Facebook is the new "I don't even HAVE a TV."
It's not a "gay" wedding or a "straight wedding" it's a "waste of money they could have used for a down payment."
I think we can all agree that the worst things on earth are slavery, rape as a weapon of war, children who starve to death, and parades.
My husband asked what Vine was while reading a BOOK. Hahaha 1910 called, it wants its intellect strengthening form of entertainment back!
You know everything about our lazy, shitty generation you need to know when you see someone wish their friend "HBD" on their Facebook wall.
I write and direct movies and television shows but I have good qualities too.
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