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'I don't have any pictures of my cat on my iPhone.' - No cat owner, ever.
You know that thing where you try to finish all the weird partially-full liquor while packing so you won't have to move it? Well I'm drunk.
Currently in the process of 'getting my hopes up'.
I need to learn to speak moth so eagles will save me.
"Eatin' salad from a bag, washin' sports bras in the tub." - lyrics from a rap about my sexy single girl LYFE.
Foolproof character test: check to see if a person has any huge mugs. If they don't, they probably eat soup OUT OF A BOWL. SITTING DOWN.
Today I told Sean Penn that I 'like meat'.
30 is the new 20, which means I'm basically barely legal. - a thing I said
Drink every time you see a silhouette of wang. #drunk #MagicMike
I'll sleep when I'm 30. Delicious, restful old person sleep. In the meantime, #party.
Thank god there are so many photos on the internet of Justin Vernon with a cat.
Off to the mountains to shoot weapons, cook on a fire and sleep under the stars, and to celebrate my birthday with squirrels. Sawyer out!
Co-creator @boniverotica. Marketer, Content Queen and Auteur for @Trada. Invented spoken-word dubstep. Love: grammar, swearing, bicycles, Boulder, books.