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Chicago lost it's three O's
Without them it's just Chicag.
It is not stupid to be mad but don't let being mad make you stupid.
The grass is always greener where you water it.
Happiness is a choice.
Update: Walle-E (my iPhone 4) is currently submerged in white rice. Cross your fingers he'll be ok.
Laffy taffy moment: why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot. Haha
A question I never thought someone would ask me: "why were your pants off in my grandmas car?"
Guy: "Is that the iPhone?"
Guy: "Cool, I hear that thing cures cancer"
Me: "Yea there's an app for that."
Overhead: "It wasn't sex...it was awkward naked time"
If I were a vegetable I'd be a radish because I'm only sorta rad.
Sometimes I wish Google Maps had a "Avoid the ghetto" option
In Kentucky they think people in Chicago walk around wearing leather pants with a leather shirt and pizza in their hand.
For people with birthdays in December, I bet your bday would be a bigger deal if you were conceived by a virgin.
When you hit someone with a knife thats called stabbing.
One of my students gave me a candy cane. #wrongholiday
Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?