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Sex is like riding a bike, you never forget how your dad taught you to do it.
I don't shit where I eat but I do fuck where I get coffee.
Instructions for white guys with dreads: Step 1. Kill yourself.
Step 2. Come back to life.
Step 3. Kill yourself again.
That game Words With Friends looks pretty hard. Not the knowing words but the having friends.
I finally bought a copy of "50 Shades of Grey." I'm supposed to roll it up and shove it in my pussy, right?
Shaved my nipples. Who's comin' over?
Ray Liotta should quit being an actor and just become a crooked cop already.
Oh shit! I got April Fools Day and 4/20 mixed up. Now I've spent all morning celebrating Hitler's bday. Guess I am a fool.
A black guy on the subway looked me up & down & then gave me a thumbs up. That means he gave me permission to say the n-word, right?
I wanna go as your mom for Halloween but I don't think I can fit that many dicks inside me.
Playing Draw Something w. my orphan friend. Got the word "parents" & didn't wanna hurt her feelings so I left it blank. She totally got it!
I'm finding myself more and more attracted to younger boys. Oh my god, I'm turning into my father.
I'm jealous of the trees Bob Ross painted because they get to be happy
"Missed Connections" should be called "I'm a Pussy & Didn't Say Hi but Stared Long Enough to Memorize Your Outfit, Eye Color,& Hairstyle"
Never send me a dick pic. If you wanna turn me on, send me a pic of you ignoring my last text.
Just flossed for the first time in months. I didn't realize how much blood I had stuck between my teeth.
It takes a lot of ball to admit when you've taken steroids.
Afraid of dying alone? Just have your bf/gf move in to save money on rent. It'll turn that fear into a goal real quick.
Nice try Jews! He's backkkkkkk!
Comedian. You can't turn me off, unless you touch me. Like me on FB for updates: http://facebook.com/annieledz Watch: http://youtu.be/rCqpo5iHgnQ