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Lana Del Boner.
My dad's new thing to yell from the couch is "Hault! Who goes there? Friend or foe?" when you walk in the house.
I don't know why I leave Yahoo! as my homepage when two days in a row the headline is about a mom who chose not to wear makeup.
1% of my job is reassuring citizens McDonald's will be back.
Empty cd/dvd spindle = bagel storer
Not buying this Facebook advertisement. A 53 year peeling her face off to look like she's 27? Well, I may as well purchase the product.
I feel like a serial killer, except instead of killing I remove people as friends on Facebook on their birthday.
Having a job is good because now my bank balance is closer to a year I've lived in, rather than one Jesus lived in.