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1Q84 - NOS4A2 = OU812. Also, seven ate nine.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch. A good way to remember the sign of the cross, and a bad list of things to lose on a waterslide.
Bad news: TL had a bad night so I overslept. Good news: husband set up coffee pot before he went to bed.
*removes smartphone from holster* i'm gonna ironically retweet you, pardner
Playing "Smack My Bitch Up" really livens up a funeral.
Don't take 'Write what you know' quite so literally.
Google oughta have something like a `robot.txt` for ensuring Jonah Lehrer never shows up under your "People also search for…".
Always keep your nails trimmed—you never know when you'll accidentally wind up knuckles-deep in a vagina. This tweet applies to everyone.
Dear complete dicks, it is in no way okay for you to tell strangers that they should smile more. Eff you.
sat down in a Forever 21 for the air conditioning & someone said "are you ok ma'am??" so things are going great here today super great.
When I order a quad Americano and he orders a caramel macchiato, guess who is handed which drink at Starbucks?
My husband is sitting on the toilet doing ADR into his iPhone for Arrested Development.
Stop throwing your trash in the ocean, Tony Stark.
Tumblr's search is that inscrutable light switch in your new apartment that turns on NOTHING.
I hope Chloe Moretz is about to announce she's playing Jaina Solo.
Writer, journo, composer, fretted string instrumentalist. Okay at computers, bad at drawing.