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Clinton was on Between Two Bushes
Does anyone know how many calories you burn by sliding down a wall crying?
Saying "I love you" for the first time is like guessing the wifi password for someone's heart
My hit song would be "Text Me Only"
HEADS UP: if I can't get around you on the sidewalk, I join your family
I put on my pants just like you, reluctantly, when the doorbell rings.
It's annoying when you gotta finish a water bottle at airport security but it's a real test of character when you gotta finish massage oil
You may recognize me from not showing up to parties
Have you ever peed so long you changed your mind on a significant social issue
“It’s like, I HAVE A NAME!”-Girl With a Pearl Earring to Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Sometimes I feel sad for no reason but then I remember: a few reasons
oh i get it we do the same thing every day until we die
I wish there were gloryholes for hugs.
Any pizza can be a personal one if you cry while you eat it.
no one can follow Beyonce especially not the rest of the game
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks
I am a scrunched up napkin with recyclable dreams. Also a comedian in some cultures. Total drag in others.
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