@apodixis' (Robbo) most faved Tweets...
Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who a good boy is.
That's odd. My iPhone just autocorrected "motherfucker" to "motherfuckers." I guess what it's saying is there are a lot of you out there.
I'm starting to think the cat doesn't even speak English. If you're going to live in a place, you could at least learn the fucking language.
I just spent an hour at the dentist gagging. And when the hygienist was done my face was all wet. This must be what it's like to do porn.
You know, my sex life would probably be more interesting if you really could bore the pants off someone.
I think some of you are taking this the wrong way. Yeah, I'm following you. But I'm not *in* follow with you.
Seriously, why should I give MY hard-earned candy to somebody else's kids? I'm not the one who had the unprotected sex, you cheapskates.
Every time I knock something over, I shout, "Hulk smash!" It's surprisingly empowering when you're very clumsy.
No, I am not "trying to dance." It's called white man's epilepsy. It's actually pretty serious, you guys.
Bathroom wall: Can I get a witness?
Written below: I don't know. Are you going to do anything worth watching?
Written below: I don't know. Are you going to do anything worth watching?
Why did they decide to call it Twitter instead of Overshare? I was wondering that on the toilet today. I'm really constipated, by the way.
Is it wrong that when I watch Dora the Explorer I always assume she has a condom full of coke stashed in her twat?
Cat typed 766 walking over the keyboard. Cats are basically just furry, illiterate satanists. Having one is like living with Ozzy Osbourne.
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